THE VOICES OF MOTHERHOOD : Sandra Bernhagen, DANA POINT

Age 53, divorced in 1981. Lives with her puppy Huckleberry Finn. Has three children: twins Jaimie Wheeler and Jeff Bernhagen, 32, and Eve Bernhagen, 27. She will graduate with a bachelor’s degree in English from UC Irvine in June.

“When my youngest daughter was graduating from Chico State, I decided it was my turn. That weekend was my 50th birthday, and I got word that I was accepted at UCI. It changed my life.

I tried to raise my kids the way I was raised--a lot of freedom, a lot of trust. I had an idyllic childhood. I used to sit on my grandparents’ laps and listen to Jack Benny. I had the love and attention of many adults; there was someone always available. I think my kids enjoyed sitting together and watching the Waltons.

My kids are going to laugh at this.

I was able to be home with them; that made a big difference. I felt children needed their parents at home, they needed the time and attention, especially from their mother. During the formative years, you are going to create good kids or monsters.

I can’t tell you anything nasty about drugs or teen-age pregnancy or anything like that. They were good kids. I think we did a pretty good job raising them.

I think they think I was pretty naive. But that’s OK. I think they were protective of me.

I would hate to have a teen-ager today because of the drugs and AIDS and a lot of the things that we read about all over Orange County.

One of the hardest parts is making mistakes and knowing you are making them at the time but not knowing how to change it. Sometimes you have to say things that are unpopular and you just have to grin and bear it. Sometimes those things come back and haunt you.

When my daughter ran for student body president, it was the first time she lost anything in her life. I know I wasn’t able to say anything that made her feel better. She was really devastated.

Sometimes you know that they are so hurt about something and you just can’t put yourself in their shoes and you can’t come up with an answer to make it better. It is very challenging and frustrating. You want to make things good for your children.

I think my kids gained new respect for me when I went back to school. I stuck with it.

When you do something that doesn’t have anything to do with being a mother, they gain a different respect for you. Last summer I went to Europe with my youngest daughter. One night we did things we wouldn’t have done: We went to see a play and then an Eric Clapton concert.”