Who Do You Call? Try Bill Murray

In the crazy promotions department, the class-A Fort Myers (Fla.) Miracle may be in a league of its own. A sampling from the Miami Herald:

“Crazy Promo No. 1: ‘Kids for Kids’ night. Children took over stadium operations for one night in August, acting as vendors, PA announcers, scoreboard operators, ground crew members, you name it.

“Crazy Promo No. 2: ‘What About Bill?’ night. A Bill Murray film festival followed one August game. Patrons were invited to bring lawn chairs and sleeping bags to watch Murray flicks from the outfield until nearly 4 a.m.

“Crazy Promo No. 3: ‘Seance’ night. After a game, the fans were invited to join hands and participate in a seance.”

Trivia time: Who holds the NFL record for most passes completed in a season?

Or, go to a movie: Johnny Miller, television golf analyst, commenting on England’s Nick Faldo slowly deliberating over a putt in the Ryder Cup matches:

“You start your soft-boiled eggs by the time he’s ready.”

Clueless: From Frank Gifford’s book, “The Whole Ten Yards”: “I don’t care what Howard Cosell says, most people in the media don’t have a clue what’s really happening on the field. Unless you’ve been part of it, you can’t imagine how brutal and violent it is, how loud and confusing it is.”

Bush Leaguers?Only five teams have gone from winning 90 games in one season to losing 90 the next. But Milwaukee did it by losing No. 90 Sunday, and Oakland and Minnesota are only one loss away.

“We’re embarrassed,” Brewer General Manager Sal Bando said. “If they’re not embarrassed, they don’t belong in the big leagues and I’m really wondering if some of them belong in the big leagues.”

Shame on him: Spy magazine made a list of “Pathetic NCAA Violations.” Among them is this: “Middle Tennessee State University, 1987-88 academic year: The head basketball coach gave a prospect’s mother a white MTSU teddy bear.”

Is that all?Even before the Miami Dolphins defeated the Buffalo Bills on Sunday, Dolphin linebacker Bryan Cox verbally trashed everything about Buffalo:

“I don’t like the Bills as a team, I don’t like the players as people, I don’t like the city and I don’t like the organization.”

No argument: New York Giant linebacker Lawrence Taylor, after hustling Girl Scout cookie orders among his teammates:

“They tell me which ones they want and I tell them how much they’re buying.”

Job security: When Lou Holtz was coaching football at the University of Arkansas, he once said:

“A lifetime contract for a coach means if you’re ahead in the third quarter and moving the ball, they can’t fire you.”

Trivia answer: Warren Moon of the Houston Oilers with 404 in 1991.

Quotebook: Cincinnati Bengal Coach David Shula when asked whether he plans any changes in the offense: “Got any in mind?”