MIGHTY DUCKS ‘93-94: PREMIERE SEASON : When You Lug the Puck or Light the Lamp, It’s Hockeyspeak : MIKE PENNER

When professional hockey comes to your town, you better be ready to speak the language. And I don’t mean French, Russian, Swedish, Finnish or Czech.

I mean Puck, the official codespeak of the NHL, the Esperanto of rink rats from Alberta to Nova Scotia.

Don’t know your five hole from your top shelf? Your biscuit from your sin bin?

Listen up.

A wonderful world of exciting new sporting cliches awaits at your fingertips.

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Light the lamp. To score a goal, to make the red light behind the net glow like a lava lamp. Correct Usage: “I’d sure like to see Semenov light the lamp.” Less Common But Still Acceptable Usage: “Poor Ron Wilson. I went to church this morning and decided to light the lamp for him.”

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Between the pipes. Between the goal posts, the territory protected by the goalie. Correct Usage: “With Hebert and Tugnutt, the Ducks should be able to hold their own between the pipes.” Less Common But Still Acceptable Usage: “Where’s the Anaheim Arena press box? Way up there, between the pipes.”

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Five hole. Between the goalie’s legs. Derived from the practice target millions of Canadian kids grew up swatting pucks at. The target featured a diagram of a goaltender with holes above both shoulders, under both arms and between the legs--the fifth hole. Correct Usage: “Yake scores! Right in the five hole!” Less Common But Still Acceptable Usage: “Where do the Ducks find these guys? That new right winger, I saw him raking sand traps at Los Coyotes the other day, right by the five hole.”

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Top shelf. Above the goalie’s shoulders. Correct Usage: “Yake scores! He beat him top shelf!” Less Common But Still Acceptable Usage: “Mommy, can I have that $125 Mighty Ducks jersey on the top shelf?”

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Standing on his head. When a goalie goes above and beyond the call of duty, making one sprawling save after another. Correct Usage: “Hebert was phenomenal last night. He was standing on his head.” Less Common But Still Acceptable Usage: “Before consenting to join the league, Michael Eisner had Gary Bettman jumping through hoops and standing on his head.”

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Good in the room. A leader in the dressing room. Correct usage: “Ladouceur was named captain because he’s good in the room.” Less Common But Still Acceptable Usage: “You must be color-blind if you think purple wallpaper with jade trim would look good in the room.”

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One-time. To shoot right off the pass. Correct Usage: “Sweeney didn’t even hesitate. He saw the pass and one-timed it.” Less Common But Still Acceptable Usage: “Gee, it’s February. I’d like to see the Ducks win on the road just one time.”

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Sin bin. The penalty box. Correct Usage: “Grimson will spend the next two minutes in the sin bin.” Less Common But Still Acceptable Usage: “Let’s not kid ourselves. Grimson has spent most of his adult life in the sin bin. He ought to have his mail sent there.”

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Biscuit. The puck. Correct Usage: “King can really shoot the biscuit.” Less Common But Still Acceptable Usage: “I’m not saying that new goalie is a dog, but whenever he stops a shot in practice, Wilson throws him a biscuit.”

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Making snow. A player who skates poorly or without purpose. Correct Usage: “I don’t know why Wilson doesn’t bench that guy. He’s just making snow out there.” Less Common But Still Acceptable Usage: “Making Snow the everyday first baseman worked for a month. Unfortunately, the Angels played six.”

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Chippy. Style of play when tempers begin to flare and players begin to push and shove a little harder. Correct Usage: “I bet Ewen punches somebody soon. It’s getting pretty chippy out there.” Less Common But Still Acceptable Usage: “OK, between the second and third periods, Chippy will join Mickey and Pluto on the ice for a rousing version of ‘Up With People.’ ”

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Lug the puck. Bring the puck up the ice. Correct Usage: “The Ducks need to find a defenseman who can lug the puck.” Less Common But Still Acceptable Usage: “That Ducks defenseman couldn’t hit the ocean from the edge of the pier, yet they continue to give the lug the puck.”

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Stone him. When a goaltender makes a great save, stopping the shot stone cold. Correct Usage: “The Ducks have only one chance against Lemieux. Hebert has to stone him.” Less Common But Still Acceptable Usage: “It’s 8-0. If Hebert lets in another, I swear, the fans will stone him.”

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Show him the gate. Send a player to the penalty box. Correct Usage: “Probert just slashed Loney. They ought to show him the gate.” Less Common But Still Acceptable Usage: “As we sat on the Katella off ramp, bumper to bumper, I assured Jim that we would reach the parking lot before the start of the second period. It took an hour and a half, but I finally was able to show him the gate.”

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Drop the gloves. What a player will do before fighting on the ice. Correct Usage: “Grimson is seething out there. He’s going to drop the gloves any minute.” Less Common But Still Acceptable Usage: “Stop crying, Johnny. I’ll buy you the Mighty Ducks cap, the Mighty Ducks shirt, the Mighty Ducks pants, and the Mighty Ducks socks, but you’re simply going to have to drop the gloves.”