Valley Parenting : Taking Control of TV : Limiting the youngsters’ viewing time often means more family togetherness--but the children are watching what mom and dad choose.

If Maggie Dibley had her way, she’d throw out the family television set.

Although the Van Nuys homemaker and her husband, painting contractor Craig Dibley, have their own favorite shows, she says, “If you really want to guide your kids toward some sense of values, TV would be the one thing to eliminate.”

At a time when television violence is under fire, particularly for its effect on children, many parents would probably sympathize with Dibley, although stop short of junking the set. Indeed, so attached are Americans to TV that it’s common for families to own more than one, which often leaves children watching without parental supervision.

The result, according to a recent study commissioned by U.S. Secretary of Education Richard W. Riley, is that large numbers of youngsters are glued to the set several hours each day. One-fifth of fourth-graders, for example, reported six or more hours of daily viewing, while 61% admitted to a minimum of three hours.

Often, what they watch is up to them.

The danger of such intensive exposure, says Burbank-based psychotherapist John F. Elliott, is that young children--those between about 6 and 10--tend to identify with make-believe characters, while slightly older children are more focused on proving themselves competent in the world.

“It’s very important,” says Elliott, “for parents to be aware of these developmental stages. If your kid’s identifying with the screen Clint Eastwood at 6 or 7, do you want to set up a role model for sociopaths? Later on, as kids want to be competent, what do you want them to be competent at? Killing people?”

Elliott believes that the only way parents can monitor their children’s values is to sit down and watch the shows youngsters watch. If the programs don’t meet parents’ standards, children shouldn’t be allowed to turn them on.

Another, more general approach is to limit TV time altogether, a policy the Dibleys have adopted.

“TV has a hypnotic effect on people,” Maggie Dibley says. “You go there when you’re tired and let (it) take you away.”

Dibley acknowledges that her children--Emerson, 14, Duffy, 12, and Kaitlyn, 6--virtually grew up with TV’s “Sesame Street,” and she agrees that some cable services, notably the Discovery Channel, offer worthwhile programs.

On the other hand, she says, “There are lots of things on TV that go over children’s heads. They do not understand them verbally, but they absorb images and impressions. TV doesn’t really set a good example.”

In an effort to maintain their own family values in the face of TV’s relentless influence, the Dibleys restrict their children’s TV watching to under two hours a day.

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“That means they tend to gravitate toward the prime-time network shows that I like to watch,” says Craig Dibley. “We sometimes argue over what we’re going to watch, and I win. It means they’re not sitting around idly watching MTV.”

Elliott endorses such a policy. “It depends on the families and their values, but parents have to be able and willing to take an authoritarian stand when it’s necessary with their kids,” he believes. “This idea of letting kids watch something because everybody does, sets children up to have permission and not develop their own internalized value system regarding right and wrong.”

A self-described “sitcom freak,” Dibley does see merit for his two older children in some of his own favorite programs--”Seinfeld,” “Roseanne,” “Home Improvement” and “The Simpsons,” which is Emerson and Duffy’s own favorite.

Indeed, among the benefits of the Dibleys’ new viewing rules is more family togetherness, both in front of the set and away from it. “We find our family doing more things together, reading and playing games,” Maggie Dibley reports.

Although individuals must decide for themselves where and how to set limits, many parents, including the Dibleys, find that changing their children’s viewing habits means altering their own as well. “The trouble with TV,” Craig Dibley grumbles, “is that father watches it, and so the kids watch too.”

“If I had my preference,” sighs Maggie Dibley, who’s addicted to “Northern Exposure,” “there would be no TV--despite the withdrawal pains.”