NHL Learns Not to Fight City Hall

Steve Huber of the Ft. Worth Star-Telegram asked Don Cherry, the former Boston Bruin coach who currently serves as analyst for the “Hockey Night in Canada” broadcasts, about the NHL’s attempts to eliminate fighting. Never at a loss for words on the subject, Cherry responded with the following diatribe:

“Once upon a time, everything was perfect. We had a rough-and-tumble game where everyone took care of themselves. And then along came Wayne Gretzky, who had a credit card to set all kinds of records because he had a guy like (Dave) Semenko looking out for him. But then Wayne went out there to La La land and became friends with Arsenio and Chevy Chase and all those Hollywood types, and they didn’t like fighting. So we said, ‘Let’s get fighting out of the game.’ ”

But of course.

Just what he needs: An obscure basketball team from Ukraine is reportedly trying to convince Michael Jordan to make his retirement a brief one.

According to the Russian newspaper Sport Express, a club in the city of Kharkov and known as TIIT has decided to send a fax to Jordan inviting him to join its lineup.

TIIT, founded last year with the help of Russian star Alexander Volkov, bills itself as Ukraine’s first private basketball club and is partly financed by a factory making sporting goods.

Trivia time: What is the best single-game rushing performance by a college football player at the NCAA Division I-A level?

Pass happy: Bill Climer, senior quarterback at Happy Hill High in Granbury, Tex., had an amazing game against Abilene Christian High two weeks ago, passing for 735 yards and 11 touchdowns.

Both figures surpass national records maintained by the National Federation of State High School Assns., but they won’t go into the books. Reason: Climer’s team plays six-man football, a wide-open brand of the sport long favored by Texas’ smallest high schools.

Add pass: For those wondering, the Happy Hill six defeated Abilene Christian, 92-64.

Mr. Sandman: According to Dave Barry, the Miami Herald humor columnist, callers to South Florida’s sports talk shows displayed a nice sense of perspective toward the expansion Florida Marlins--or at least they did until Charlie Hough gave them a taste of success.

“This relaxed, low-pressure attitude lasted until the first regular-season game,” Barry wrote. “As you recall, the Marlins won, largely because a number of Dodger hitters dozed off while waiting for Charlie Hough’s knuckleball to reach home plate.”

Add Hough: Barry believes he can explain why Hough faded later in the season.

“As the season wore on,” he wrote, “opposing hitters wised up and began using the shrewd tactic of remaining in the dugout until Hough had actually released the ball, then strolling out to the plate and hitting it.”

The word from Corvallis: Chad Paulson, senior halfback at Oregon State, when asked to name the toughest place he has played football: “None.”

More words: Ray Penniman, Oregon State tight end from Los Angeles, asked to name his hobbies: “Kick ‘n’ it and chillin’.”

Trivia answer: The 396 yards gained by Tony Sands of Kansas against Missouri in 1991. Second is the 386-yard performance by San Diego State’s Marshall Faulk against Pacific, also during the 1991 season.

Quotebook: Michael Jordan, talking about his work ethic in “Rare Air: Michael on Michael,” his autobiography: “I saw some Dream Teamers dog it in practice before the Olympics. I looked at them and I knew that’s what separates me from them.”