And now for a minority opinion: On...

And now for a minority opinion: On the night of the Great American Smokeout, the always-contrary Flat Earth Society held its first annual “smoker” with Sherman Oaks author Rick Hacker (“The Ultimate Cigar Book”) as guest speaker. The Flat Earthers, incidentally, are based in the Orange County burg of Lake Forest, an appropriate locale considering the society’s views. The area used to be called El Toro (or Bull).

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Fight on for old Shakespeare!”Through the years,” Matt White wrote in USC’s Daily Trojan, “the Bruins and Trojans have brought Elizabethan grandeur to the gridiron.” Any doubting knave need only look at this squad of current and former USC and UCLA football players whose names sound uncannily similar to the Bard’s characters.

1. Johnnie Morton, USC, 1990-93-- John Morton , “Richard III”

2. Aramis Dandoy, USC, 1952-54-- Artimidorus , “Julius Caesar”

3. Clayton Yearick, UCLA, 1932-33-- Yorick , “Hamlet”

4. George Lady, USC, 1932-34-- Lady Macbeth , “Macbeth”

5. Othello Henderson, UCLA, 1990-1992-- Othello , “Othello”

6. Titus Tuiasosopo, USC, 1988-1992-- Titus Andronicus , “Titus Andronicus”

7. Marcus Allen, USC, 1978-81-- Marcus Brutus , “Julius Caesar”

8. Joe Rosenkrans, UCLA, 1959-61-- Rosencrantz , “Hamlet”

9. Gaius Shaver, USC, 1929-31-- Caius Lucius , “Cymbeline”

10. Haughton Norfleet, UCLA, 1930-32-- Henry Percy Northumberland , “Richard II”

11. Haskell Robert Wotkyns, USC, 1932-34-- Henry Beaufort Winchester , Henry VI

And, of course, for the head man:

Coach John (Robinson), USC, 1976-82, ‘93-- King John , “King John”

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In my crystal ball, I see 1 1/2--no--2 bathrooms!And a slight cost overrun. . . . We’ve all heard the horror stories of people who hired contractors to remodel their houses only to be shocked at the result. Well, Elyse Ruth of L.A. found an ad in a weekly newspaper (see excerpt) placed by a craftsman who actually seems able to predict what your place will look like after he’s through.

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This is the dawning of the age of acquiring, the age of acquiring . . . : Some of our favorite lines from “Think A$trology & Grow Rich,” by Paul Farrell of Santa Monica.

--”Within 40 days after my first astrologer’s advice, I wrote a 30-page screenplay treatment.”

--”This book was written when Jupiter was transiting my 1st house, starting a new phase in my life, and my soul poured into the book.”

--”If the transiting Saturn is in your 5th natal house . . . you might lean toward buying bonds rather than stocks.”

--”Mars-Saturn: Very important to the timing of live cattle futures. It does not work with pork bellies.”

miscelLAny:

No sooner did we mention Mike Spalla’s “Jingle Cats” album of meow sounds than we heard from a spokeshuman for Santa Monica canine Outrageous Nevada, who has yelped out several albums, including a rival Christmas collection (see photo). Among the selections are “O Christmas Tree.” We presume Outrageous Nevada is housebroken.

An ad for otherwordly remodeling.