Buy a theater ticket--go to jail: Though...

Buy a theater ticket--go to jail: Though the Lincoln Heights Jail hasn’t been a jail in a quarter-century, it’s still a lively place.

“It’s haunted, no doubt about it,” says Jim Payne, the managing director of the Bilingual Foundation for the Arts, which operates a theater inside the old lockup.

“One Halloween we got a call from our security guards,” Payne said. “The alarm system’s movement sensor indicated there was movement in the hallways. But we couldn’t see anyone. And we couldn’t turn off the sensor. We had to leave it on all night.”

Haunted, 63-year-old, Art Deco jails are in relatively short supply, which no doubt explains why the Los Angeles City Council voted this week to designate it as a historic-cultural monument.

Just attending the 99-seat playhouse there is a dramatic experience.

“The theater is the old courtroom,” Payne said. “The men’s dressing room was the drunk tank for men. The women’s dressing room was the holding tank for prostitutes. And our lighting operator sits in the old lineup booth.”

And Payne? As befits the director of a small theater operating in a recession, he has his office in the former infirmary.

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At least it keeps them off the freeways for awhile: A group of artists will transform their automobiles into mini-galleries Saturday in a parking lot (appropriately enough) of the L.A. Convention Center. Sponsored by the Foundation of Art Resources (FAR), the show is called “FAR Parked.”

It occurs to us that countless bachelors have already metamorphosed their jalopies into what might be called works of assemblage art. One of our colleagues, in fact, drives around in one that would contend for best of show--the contents include stacks of newspapers extending nearly to the ceiling, layers of unopened junk mail, empty cracker boxes and old clothes.

Alas, the only recognition he ever received was when he was cited by health authorities, who found some weeks-old, unconsumed lobsters in his traveling exhibit.

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L.A.’s ancient ruins: Early this century, Vice President Thomas Marshall lampooned a tedious debate in the U.S. Senate by remarking: “What this country needs is a good 5-cent cigar.” So, perhaps it should come as no surprise that workers came upon this ad (see photo) Downtown while renovating the 81-year-old Senator Hotel on Spring Street.

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Somehow we think he’s been unswayed by all those defense experts: Jay Leno of “The Tonight Show” recently observed that the day after Thanksgiving is the largest retail sales day of the year except for the day after Lyle and Erik Menendez shot their parents to death.

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What’s the owner got against dogs? Lynn Simross saw a sign in a yard in Hollywood that said: “No Dogs or Politicians. Violators will be Eaten.”

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An insult L.A. doesn’t deserve: Bay Area columnist Herb Caen reports that when the Swiss National Tourist Office shut down in San Francisco to merge with the L.A. office, its manager transferred to Chicago rather than move to the Southland. “I like real cities,” he told Caen.

Hey, give El Lay its due. Fires, mudslides, earthquakes, carjackings, etc.--if anything, life’s a bit too real here.

misceLAny:

We mentioned that callers to the American Civil Liberties Union in L.A. hear a recorded message that begins: “If you’re calling from court, please dial zero now.” We wondered out loud about prisoners. The ACLU’s “jail/intake coordinator” has since informed us that the organization will accept some collect calls from inmates, thought not from those in the old Lincoln Heights Jail.