PL8AUTHR: Daniel Nussbaum, author of a collection...

PL8AUTHR: Daniel Nussbaum, author of a collection of classic tales retold with nothing but the messages of California vanity license plates, is holding his first book signing in an appropriate arena--the Sepulveda West Carwash in West L.A.

Nussbaum, who’ll be amid the suds and hot wax from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. on Friday and Saturday, notes that with its metallic cover, his book, “PL8SPK,” could “survive a trip through a carwash.”

The contents don’t appear to be as spicy as those in the metallic-covered book that that singer what’s-her-name (MUH DON A?) produced last year. Nussbaum has stamped out these tales:

* AA STREEET CAR NAMD DESIRE

* NOAHZRK

* LILRED RIDING HOOD

* ROMYOH ANNDE JULYET

And, of course:

* HAMLET (“2BORWAT?”)

Nussbaum, by the way, included a solemn pledge in his press release: “No plate used more than once per story!”

GOOD4YU

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City Hall credits: We criticized Mayor Riordan for his failure, so far, to land a guest shot on a TV show, unlike New York Mayor-elect Rudolph Giuliani (“Seinfeld”) or Riordan’s two predecessors. But the Riordan Administration hasn’t been a total disappointment to Hollywood. Geoffrey Garfield, the assistant deputy mayor for public safety, had a role in the Spike Lee film, “School Daze.”

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At least there’s no mention of Killer Bees: William Gibson’s “Virtual Light” is a brooding, futuristic mystery set partly in the split-off state of SoCal where:

* Private security companies race about in six-wheeled, armored Land Rovers equipped with cameras and battering rams and capable of hitting 140 m.p.h.

* Security guards, whose shoes have bulletproof soles, handle minor problems with air-powered chunkers, which fire one-inch cubes of recycled rubber. They handle more serious confrontations with semiautomatic weapons that are stuck with Velcro to their dashboards.

* LAPD dispatchers have been replaced by a satellite nicknamed Death Star, which acts as a clearinghouse for the city’s crimes.

* Many residents live in “stealth houses,” a typical example being one “dug in beneath something that looked almost, but not quite, like a bombed-out dry-cleaning plant.”

* Angelenos use post-NAFTA MexiAmerica Bank cards, drive tiny Barcelona-made electric cars, get inoculated against AIDS and dance to the latest hit music--Pentecostal metal.

* The Bay Bridge in neighboring NoCal, disabled by an earthquake, is no longer a tourist attraction but a high-altitude shantytown.

* The year is 2005.

Gibson, the author, wants no part of either SoCal or NoCal, by the way. He lives in Vancouver.

miscelLAny:

The garish, ad-filled sign topped by the Olympic flame symbol has been removed from its location alongside the Harbor Freeway. But the 9-year-old monument that only a Raider could love wasn’t dismantled. It was just moved to a nearby spot along the freeway to make room for a lane-widening project.