Now That They’re Moving . . .

Downey’s California:

--The real reason the Kings intend to build a new building is so they can strengthen their hold as Southern California’s second-best hockey team.

--Either that or Bruce McNall just found out that an 1893 quarter he owns is worth 25 cents.

--So, I suppose this means the Kings now play in the Great Western IDB Communications Group, Inc., Forum.

--Sort of trickles off the tongue.

--The “interactive” computer technology available at the new arena will permit hockey fans to void every trade by the Kings and recall every player they mistakenly let get away.

--No more Forum, OK? Rip the place apart and name it something else.

--It is politically incorrect to name an arena after a place where so many innocent Romans got stabbed.

--Let me tell you, if I ran Anaheim Arena or if I were planning to build San Diego’s new, 20,000-seat, state-of-the-art arena and needed an NBA team to play in it, I would be on the phone to Jerry Buss and I mean today and I don’t mean collect.

--Could any Laker start for the Clippers? If so, at which position?

--At center? I’m not sure anymore that Vlade Divac or Sam Bowie can outplay Elmore Spencer.

--One more game like the Orlando game and we’ll all be buying Air Elmore shoes.

--Biggest goof of the ‘90s: Trading Chris Webber for Anfernee Hardaway. Probably will cost Orlando a couple of championships.

--George Mikan’s jersey belongs on the Forum wall. Period. The Dodgers do not disown Jackie Robinson because he played in Brooklyn. It isn’t Mikan’s fault he played in Minneapolis any more than it was Kareem Abdul-Jabbar’s fault that he once played for Milwaukee. The man was a Laker.

--What if the Lakers did move some day to Anaheim or San Diego? Would this mean that the jerseys of Los Angeles players would have to come down from the wall? I mean, that’s the reason they snub Mikan, because he never played here.

--I doubt if UCLA could defeat the Dallas Mavericks more than three times out of five.

--One more O’Bannon brother and we’d have this national championship thing locked up, man.

--Well, I saw Michigan lose to Duke and let me tell you: They don’t even have four fabs any more.

--Larry Smith’s three goals at Missouri are still to win the conference title, beat UCLA and beat Notre Dame.

--I’m betting the one thing Larry won’t have at Missouri is a quarterback who surfs nude.

--Missouri’s band does not play “Conquest,” mostly because Missouri hasn’t made many.

--It is a dark, dark day for the Dodger-Giant rivalry. Mike Scioscia and Will Clark are teammates.

--Did Rob Deer sign with the Hanshin Tigers or did Rob Tiger sign with the Hanshin Deer?

--The only bad thing about the Atlanta Hawks winning this many games is that you know those TBS people are hatching more of those “America’s Team” marketing plans, even as we speak.

--Riddle: What do Dominique Wilkins and Whoopi Goldberg have in common? Answer: singing nuns. (Have someone explain it to you.)

--A couple of crooks stole Quincy Watts’ gold medals? I don’t know if the cops can catch them, but I bet Quincy can.

--The cover depicting Don Shula as sportsman of the year is proving so popular, Sports Illustrated editors are now curious how he looks in a two-piece thong.