A Close-up Look at People Who Matter : Life, Laughter Add to Wisdom of His Words

In a bare Glendale hospital room, Fred Bernard faced his three clients and friends--all divorced or nearly divorced, all struggling to rebuild, some having trouble dealing with the incessantly cheery holiday season.

“It’s a tough time of year,” Bernard told the members of the counseling group. “You’re supposed to feel good. It’s kind of an order. But you don’t know who ordered it.”

Bernard has lived through more tough times than most. At 76, he’s buried two wives and become obsolete in his lifelong profession of textiles. Fred Bernard is no stranger to therapy.

But now, he’s the facilitator, not the client. Each week, at Glendale Memorial Hospital and Health Center, he meets with some of the six women and two men in his counseling group.

Bernard went through the 75 hours of training and volunteered with the hospital’s Senior Peer Counseling Program five years ago after moving to Glendale from New York City.

“I myself had personal therapy over the years, so when I began this kind of work I had some idea of what misery I would put the clients through,” he said, smiling slyly.

Senior Peer Counseling helps older adults cope with issues of aging. Bernard’s current group, his second, first met two years ago.

Group members--most approaching retirement age--are more concerned about relationships than retirement. Last week, with only three members, loneliness, divorce and strained familial relationships were the common themes.

Kathy, 60, is getting divorced and looks forward to a new chapter in her life. Joe, 61, is dealing with a recent divorce and an uneven relationship with his grown daughter. Betty, 55, divorced for nearly two decades, is just beginning to date again but faces conflict with her mother.

Bernard met the problems with humor, blunt honesty and with a mirror, letting clients see and solve their own dilemmas.

“Fred has taught me how to trust, which I just couldn’t get to with my other therapists,” said Betty, who has been in counseling for more than 20 years and in this group for two.

“I’m getting more here than I ever did.”

“He made me feel very welcome,” said Kathy, who joined the group two months ago. “Knowing you have this support gets you through some kinks in the week.”

Joe agreed. “It’s nice to know on Thursdays there’s someone I can talk with openly,” he said. “Fred’s very insightful. He has a good way of getting you to see your own blind spots.”

The groups are a chance for Bernard to reflect as well.

“I share a lot too. I let them know we’re in this together,” said Bernard, who learns a little more about himself each two-hour session. “That’s our (facilitators) reward. We learn so much about ourselves. When we work through their issues, it kicks up our own issues.”

“(Facilitating) is not the kind of thing everybody can do,” said Dr. Myrna Samuels, director of the peer counseling program. “Fred has a sensitivity to individual issues and helps people get below the surface and explore what’s going on.”

At an age when many senior citizens are coming to the group and individual counseling sessions to learn to cope with aging, fear of death and loneliness, Bernard doesn’t have time for those worries.

“I’m so busy just being busy, I don’t think about that,” he said.

Last year, he received his Human Services Certificate from L.A. City College. This semester he will take classes in African American studies and drug intervention. And he continues to be a student of human nature.

“I’m fascinated by the process of how we deal with ourselves, what motivates us,” he said.

The peer counseling program is looking for more volunteers like Bernard. Training sessions begin Feb. 1. For more information, call Dr. Myrna Samuels at (818) 502-4560.

Personal Best is a weekly profile of an ordinary person who does extraordinary things. Please address prospective candidates to Personal Best, Los Angeles Times, 20000 Prairie St., Chatsworth, CA 91311; fax (818) 772-3338.