Those Not With It, Listen Up
Sure, we could bore you with our own New Year’s fashion resolutions (like, no more bell-bottoms ever ). But we’ve resolved to stop beating ourself up in ’94. So let’s bag on everyone else. Ready?
* Less flesh, please. Is the world really a better place now that Elle Macpherson’s diamond-necklace-draped butt has been immortalized on the pages of the British Tatler? We think not. (Besides, what about her mind?) Other offenders in the year’s endless skin parade: Tupac Shakur, Andre Agassi, Kate Moss, Fabio and teeny, out-of-favor boy-toy Marky Mark. Put a shirt on it, darlings. Preferably something sheer and wrinkled.
* No, no nose clips. These decorative devices favored by designer Jean Paul Gaultier create a tiny trail from nostril to earlobe (and sometimes to doggie collar). They make plain old piercings look quite wholesome.
* New pants for Howard Stern. We like the hair, the glasses, the Paul Revere and the Raiders-style frock coat. But those stovepipe jeans have got to go, Mr. Millionaire. Your private parts deserve better. (Hint: Check out that other hunky giant and fashion plate, Jeff Goldblum.)
* A fuller crown for Hillary. The First Lady’s latest do makes her look like a flat head. Sans bangs and a thick velvet headband, that high Rodham forehead levels off alarmingly quickly. Hence the adage: A bargain haircut is worth the price. Why suffer when Cristophe could be there in a flash on Air Force One?
Credit Where Credit’s Deserved: Can the multitalented, multi-hyphenated Barbra Streisand now add the title couturier to her resume? Well, yes and no. According to Streisand’s publicist, Michael Levine, the off-the-shoulder gowns worn by the singer during her New Year’s soiree in Las Vegas were designed by Streisand and “executed” by longtime chum Donna Karan. One of the world’s top designers reduced to a seamstress? Karan spokeswoman Patty Cohen put a different spin on it: “The dresses were a collaboration,” she said. “Barbra and Donna considered it a collaboration.”
Window Shopping: Not everyone appreciated the Menendez brothers window at the new West Hollywood menswear boutique JonValdi. “This is the most awful thing I’ve ever seen,” one man told the store’s co-owner, Jonathan Meizler. “I’ll never shop here.” But a crew from the ABC newsmagazine “PrimeTime Live” found the window’s macabre text, reading “The Menendez brothers did not buy their guns here. But they did walk away with a shirt and a tie,” worth filming for a recent piece on the trial.
Meizler and his partner, German Valdivia, have sold their “progressively classic” designs at Fred Segal for three years; their Melrose Avenue boutique opened in September. Their clientele, so far, includes Robert Downey Jr., Arsenio Hall and the stars of “In Living Color,” “Fresh Prince” and “Beverly Hills, 90210.” “The difference between a power suit and our suit,” Meizler explains, “is that the man makes the clothes.”
Gala Girl: There’s Military Barbie, Gibson Girl Barbie, Chinese Barbie and, coming to the small screen soon, Infomercial Barbie. What other doll adapts beautifully to any era, any culture and navigates the information superhighway with aplomb? Mighty Morphin Power Rangers? Yeah, right.
Hosting Barbie’s first TV show is actress Pam Dawber, who has lots of experience playing sidekick to unearthly beings. “The whole idea is to expand the scope of Barbie collectors,” says Lisa McKendall, Mattel Toys marketing communications manager. “There are some people who don’t know about our collection.” Can you imagine?
Benefit Ball Barbie, Opening Night Barbie and Evening Extravaganza Barbie, $50 each, all dress for their respective events in over-the-top gowns that scream conspicuous consumption.
What’d you expect--Hair Shirt Barbie?
Speaking of Children’s Playthings That Hold Inexplicable Allure for So-Called Adults: It seems that Mickey Mouse and the rest of his Disney pals--once so popular in France--have been replaced in the hearts and on the backs of the Paris middle class by an obscure Hanna-Barbera character named Droopy Dog. “The fashion allure of Disney was lost when it became just another Metro stop,” notes one American abroad. “France is having a love affair with Droopy Dog.” Way chic, she says, is a Droopy Dog pajama shirt and D.D. slippers. We’ll take her word.
Working for Scale: We couldn’t wait to see how the once-svelte-news-anchor-turned-unabashed-pudgy Kathleen Sullivan did on her first week of Weight Watchers. On New Year’s Day, you’ll recall, the formerly kittenish broadcaster announced on a TV commercial that she was starting the weight-loss program. “We’re in this together,” she said sympathetically.
Well, Wednesday night, while Sullivan wasn’t looking (or so we thought), we ate a tub of Poppycock and watched a repeat of “Star Trek: The Next Generation.” Surprise! Sullivan appeared in Commercial No. 2. Dressed in a mannish pin-striped shirt, Sullivan weighed in. She had lost five pounds--or so she said. Stay tuned.
