Oliver Stone Will Want Rights to Latest Conspiracy Theory

There is a growing feeling that Michael Jordan will return to the NBA sooner than later.

Blackie Sherrod of the Dallas Morning News writes that he has a hunch Jordan is planning to return within a year.

“All that retirement bunk about Michael despairing of media attention and wishing to spend more time with family was just that. Bunk,” Sherrod writes.

“A theory long held here is that NBA commish David Stern sternly advised, maybe demanded, Jordan to cool it for a year to let those gambling rumbles die down.

“You’ll remember that so-called league investigation issued a clean bill immediately after Jordan’s strange retirement announcement.

“Jordan’s farewell words didn’t contain the usual words of reflection and appreciation; they seemed coated with considerable resentment.”

Add Jordan: Basketball commentator Dick Vitale, who lives in Sarasota, Fla., took a day off recently to watch Jordan work out with the Chicago White Sox.

“He’s the three-S man, baby,” Vitale said. “He’s super, he’s scintillating and he’s sensational.”

Vitale said he thought Jordan had a chance to be a part-time player, but didn’t know if the former Chicago Bulls star would accept that role.

Trivia time: How old was Dick Button when he won an Olympic gold medal in men’s figure skating at the 1948 St. Moritz Games?

In reverse: Former Olympic swimming champion Tom Jager, 29, is teaching swimming in Albuquerque to a group considerably older.

Some of those receiving tips from Jager, who won five gold medals in three Olympics, are older than 70.

“This is something I like to do,” said Jager, living in Tijeras, N.M., and still in serious training. “You meet these people and you really enjoy them.”

Bernice Whitacre, 75, is one of 70 in the class. She fractured four vertebrae in August, but returned to the pool as soon as she healed.

“If I don’t look in the mirror, I feel like I’m 30 or 35,” she said. “Oh, I feel good.”

Tapping the source: David Anderson’s entrepreneurial instincts took over when he heard about the metal baton used to attack Olympic figure skater Nancy Kerrigan.

The 39-year-old Minneapolis lawyer is advertising the “Tonya Tapper,” a telescoping baton with a rubber grip for sale by mail order.

Anderson’s ad in the Minneapolis Star News said: “You’ve Seen How It Works. Now Get One for Your Own Protection.”

“I decided to go with the name to generate immediate interest,” Anderson said. “I don’t want to make light of this to urge people to go out and injure their rivals.

“On the other hand, people may be ready for a non-lethal defensive device.”

On the bandwagon: Membership in the Tonya Harding club in Portland, Ore., has more than doubled to 900 members since the Jan. 6 attack on Kerrigan.

“This has blown up to be so much larger than I ever dreamed,” said Elaine Stamm, who started the club more than a year ago. “I started it because I admired Tonya’s image as an underdog.”

Stamm said she receives more than 100 letters or phone calls about the club each day.

Trivia answer: Button was 18.

Quotebook: Pittsburgh Pirate center fielder Andy Van Slyke, on Michael Jordan’s baseball career: “There will be peace in the Middle East before Michael Jordan gets an at-bat in the major leagues. And peace in the Middle East hasn’t happened for 4,000 years.”