Either Way, He Must Stay on His Toes

Outfielder Andy Van Slyke of the Pirates has this fantasy, he told Paul Meyer of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette:

“Some game, I’d like to make all 27 putouts.

“It won’t happen, of course. But I’d love to do that. I love making dashing, diving, stabbing, back-snapping, shoulder-breaking plays.”

Ever consider ballet, Andy?

Trivia time: Who holds the NBA record for most three-point baskets in a game?

Get rid of it: Kevin Cook, writing for Playboy on the San Diego Padres covering 13,000 seats at Jack Murphy Stadium with a huge tarp:

“The only better move would be a bigger tarp to cover the whole park.”

Mr. Popularity: Chuck Person of the Minnesota Timberwolves, on fans at the Target Center: “I don’t care about fans, because they stink. I don’t even know why they come. Do they come to here to get a cheap hot dog?”

Hey, Chuck, since when are hot dogs cheap?

Add Person: Because the Timberwolves won and scored more than 100 points against the Clippers on April 6 (110-100), fans could trade their ticket stubs for Big Macs at McDonald’s.

Said the gracious Person: “I wish the final score had been 99-98.”

Stress: Larry Smith, former USC football coach, now the coach at Missouri, recalling his problems with quarterback Todd Marinovich to the Kansas City Star:

“That took 20 years off my life.”

Clip and save: New York Knick center Patrick Ewing predicts his team will advance to the NBA finals.

“It’s our turn to get that light at the end of the tunnel,” Ewing told Lacy J. Banks of the Chicago Sun-Times. “This is our year. Quote me. The Bulls had to fight through Detroit to get to where they are today. Now, it’s our turn.”

Drill instructor: Charles Steinberg has become director of public relations for the Baltimore Orioles, but he also will continue as the team dentist.

“The bad news is that getting information out of the Orioles will be like pulling teeth,” writes Tony Kornheiser of the Washington Post.

Trivia answer: Brian Shaw of Miami, with 10 against Milwaukee on April 8, 1993.

Quotebook: Clifford Robinson of the Portland Trail Blazers on why he has a likeness of himself tattooed on his right biceps: “Why would I have a tattoo of someone else?”