OC HIGH: Student News & Views : Pain and Hope : Suicide Hurts Those Left Behind, and Thoughts of Death Are Also Difficult

The toll suicide takes goes beyond the life lost. A national study of the impact of teen suicide found that it profoundly affects on average the lives of at least six others, including family, friends and classmates who are often left in shock, sorrow, confusion and frustration.

Here is how suicide or thoughts of suicide have affected some Orange County teens. The names of all the students in this article have been changed to protect their privacy.

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It was Monday after school. Charles, a freshman, had an “ominous feeling” when he saw his friend walking alone. Charles usually walked home with him.

But Charles continued on his way, not giving much more thought to it.

The next day at school, however, Charles’ friend was not in class. The usual curiosity--”I wonder what he’s doing”--swept through his thoughts. And then he became worried.

Two days later, a school psychologist stood in front of Charles’ fifth-period class. She was there to tell the students that Charles’ friend had committed suicide.

A lot of stories and rumors had been circulating around school. “So I didn’t know exactly what happened,” Charles said. But this is what the psychologist told the class:

It was 11:30 at night, and the family had gone to bed early. Charles’ friend went to the family room. He knew how to use a gun. He loaded the gun with one bullet and shot himself in the head.

The realization of what his friend had done made Charles feel horrible. Many thoughts crossed his mind: “OK, what do I do now? . . . I can’t believe it’s true.”

Even before his friend killed himself, Charles had been having troubles: His grades were falling, and he was having family conflicts, like many other teens. The death of his close friend didn’t help.

Charles considered committing suicide. “I hated the world,” he said. After the funeral, the psychologist spoke with Charles, but “I was afraid if I said anything I’d get in trouble.”

Charles found comfort by talking with his friends. And a science teacher “was really nice, too. He told me not to do it.”

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Laura says she has contemplated suicide, but she’s not as sure that she’d go through with it as she was a few months ago.

“Anything set me off, even little things,” the sophomore said.

“If someone told me my hair wasn’t right, I’d think, ‘Oh my gosh, I’ve got to go commit suicide.’ I didn’t feel necessary to the world.”

Although she’s still debating it, Laura says she now believes that she’ll “think about what would happen if I did this.”

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Two years ago, Kathy was fed up with her life. Her mother was not often around, and the job of caring for herself and her sister fell on her shoulders.

“I just decided, OK, fine. If one last thing set me off, that was it.

“I started to commit suicide,” the sophomore recalled. “But my sister took away my (sleeping) pills and flushed them down the toilet. I wanted to (do it), but I didn’t. I was really scared,” she said.

After trying to kill herself, Kathy decided it was time to make some changes in her life. She’s one of the fortunate ones--those with enough willpower and desire to improve their lives.

“I did things that made me happy,” Kathy said. “I moved to my dad’s house and made a lot of friends. I cut my hair and wore the clothes that I liked. I did the things I liked to do. I have a lot more to live for now. Before, I just had myself to live for, and I decided it wasn’t worth it. Now I feel a lot better about myself.”

Reflecting on her suicide attempt, Kathy says that all that matters is what you think and not what everyone else thinks. “Think about your life; there will be many hurdles you’ll have to jump. There are many things you can overcome. Just because this time you’re climbing instead of jumping, it doesn’t mean that you won’t be able to jump the rest.”

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Because a life that seemed at its beginning has been lost, the tragedy of teen suicide is especially difficult to comprehend.

In Orange County in 1992, the last year for which statistics are available, there were 10 suicides recorded among those age 18 or under: The youngest was age 12. In 1991, there were nine young suicides; in 1990, there were 14. Twice as many boys as girls took their lives. Countless more of both sexes attempted suicide.

Suicide counselors say teens sometimes look at extreme measures to relieve feelings of despair and emotional pain: They don’t think they will ever get over the hurt they are feeling from a broken relationship, parental discord, substance abuse, pressure from peers, confusion over sexual roles or other problems.

In those troubled waters, a hand held out in hope by a friend can sometimes make all the difference.

Facts About Suicide

* Suicide is the third highest cause of teen-age deaths, following accidents and homicides, and has increased 200% among youths aged 10 to 24 since 1960.

* In 1991, 4,751 youths age 15 to 24 took their own lives--that’s 13 deaths each day, or one young death every one hour and 50.6 minutes.

* In a 1990 study of 11,631 U.S. students in ninth through 12th grades, 27.3% reported that they had thought seriously about attempting suicide; 16.3% said they had made a specific plan to attempt suicide. Of those, 8.3% said they had actually attempted suicide.

* Female students were significantly more likely than male students to have thought seriously about attempting suicide, to have made a suicide plan or to have attempted suicide one or more times during the year prior to the study. However, statistics show that more males than females actually commit suicide.

* Studies show that each suicide intimately affects at least six other people. If there is a suicide every 17 minutes (based on the national average for all ages), then there are six new survivors every 17 minutes as well.

Source: Hotline Help Center, Anaheim; Centers for Disease Control, Atlanta

How You Can Help

May 1-7 is National Suicide Prevention Week and serves as a reminder that there are things you can do to help a friend or family member who is deeply depressed or perhaps suicidal.

Most people who are depressed or who are considering suicide may not want to talk about it. Some feel that their emotions are a burden to others or that others will make fun of them. What you can do is let them know you are there for them, will take them seriously and have time to listen when they feel like talking.

* Reassure them that they can get help and assist them in identifying where they can turn--such as parents, counselor, teacher, doctor or a hot line.

* Help them realize that there is hope, that there is a reason to live.

* If your friend seems depressed without good reason, suggest a physical by a doctor. Depression can often be medically treated.

* Suggest counseling, which gives the person an impartial sounding board. Referrals are available through hot lines, doctors, school counselors.

* Guard against the opportunity for a suicidal act by being with them when you can.

Source: Hotline Help Center, Anaheim.

Suicide Hot Lines

Hotline Help Center

Anaheim (714) 778-1000 6 a.m. to 2 a.m. (staffed) 2 a.m. to 6 a.m. (recording) New Hope

Telephone Counseling Center

Garden Grove (714) 639-4673 24 hours Hotline of Southern California

Los Alamitos (714) 761-4575 8 a.m.-midnight