90’S FAMILY : A Kid’s Best Friend : Pets can teach children about responsibility. But they may be longtime companions, so choose wisely.

A Manhattan Beach hamster turned its exercise wheel for the last time recently, but the only family member in mourning was its owner, Matthew Zarro, 8.

“Hampy gave me the willies,” confessed Matthew’s mother, Tina Zarro. “It was constantly escaping for days at a time, chewing stuff up and pooping in its food. I was always digging it out from under the bed.”

But to Matthew and millions of other children, it’s these very same qualities that make hamsters and their guinea pig and rat cousins so endearing. An estimated 58% of American households have a pet of some kind, be it rodent or rabbit, fish or fowl, feline or canine. Experts agree that pets help teach children important lessons--about responsibility, compassion and the natural cycle of life.

Cats, with a U.S. population of 62 million, outnumber dogs by about 7 million. But when it comes to choosing an affectionate companion for youngsters, dogs still rank No. 1 in the hearts of many families.

“A dog doesn’t care if a kid gets a C on a report card or his room is dirty,” said animal behaviorist Warren Eckstein, whose book “How to Get Your Dog to Do What You Want” (Fawcett Books) is scheduled to be published in the fall. “A dog is rah, rah, rah all the time. With the pressure on kids these days, dogs are always there.”

More than any other pet, a dog supplies a child with its own cheerleading section. Because of the close bond that forms between kids and their dogs, experts recommend that families take their time and choose a pet carefully.

For families with young children, certain hardy, mellow breeds such as golden retrievers and Labrador retrievers are widely regarded as excellent pets, while such breeds as toy poodles, Pekingese and Yorkshire terriers are generally considered too fragile. But contrary to popular belief, some of the largest dogs--St. Bernards, Newfoundlands and Great Pyrenees--can be patient with youngsters.

“Like larger people, larger dogs are aware that their size provokes fear and compensate by being gentle,” Eckstein said. “It’s not uncommon to see a very big dog being bossed around by a small dog.”

Stereotypes are constantly being proved wrong. “You got what ?” shocked friends asked when they learned that Lisa and Stephen Nesbitt of Santa Monica had replaced their sons’ nippy cocker spaniel with a Rottweiler. A stint at obedience school helped turn 85-pound Alice into a loving pet and excellent guard dog. While solicitors take three steps back when they see Alice at the door, she thinks of herself as one of the kids.

In fact, many owners compare the responsibility of raising a puppy to that of raising children. From “puppy-proofing” a house to providing consistent discipline and lots of love and affection, dog-rearing tips sound a lot like parenting advice. “You can’t go in blindly when you bring a puppy into the house,” said Alice’s owner, Lisa Nesbitt. “Puppies require a lot of care and attention.”

Dogs have a keen ability to read and respond to human emotion, including stress and depression. For years, dogs have been comforting hospitalized children such as those at Long Beach Memorial Miller Children’s Hospital.

“A visit from a dog transforms the hospital from a very structured and demanding place into a more normal environment,” said Rosemarie Mills, a child life specialist at the hospital, whose cocker spaniel, Mikey, often cheers young cancer patients.

“Dogs have a real sense for what’s going on and are very therapeutic. They bring out a lot of nurturing in the children.”

Like children, dogs don’t come cheap. Between veterinary bills, food, training, grooming and toys, owners can expect to spend a minimum of $11,500 over the average dog’s 11-year life span, according to the American Kennel Club. This does not include the purchase price, which can range from $50 to $5,000, or any unusual medical costs.

Where’s the best place to find a puppy? If a family has no particular need for a pedigree, adopting a dog from a local shelter is a good choice. “Not only do they make wonderful pets, you are also saving a life,” said Dr. Jan Feingold, an Oxnard veterinarian. The best source for a purebred dog, Feingold said, is a reputable local breeder: “Breeders will stand by the dog if there is a problem and can assure you of its lineage and vaccination record.”

Faced with a litter of adorable puppies, how does one choose? For an indication of how a grown dog will look and behave, ask to see the dam and sire, experts said. Then observe how a puppy interacts with its litter mates and people. “I don’t want the real shy puppy that is hanging out in the back or the one jumping all over me,” Eckstein said. ‘I always want the dog in the middle; the one who greets me and then backs off.”

For a 7- or 8-week-old puppy, the first few days away from its litter mates are very lonely. Owners can help by lavishing the puppy with attention and providing a place for it to sleep inside. At night, crying puppies often find comfort in radio music, said Lowel Davis, a Covina dog judge and Great Dane breeder. Although the ideal age for spaying and neutering is a subject of debate--9 to 10 weeks or six to seven months--the procedure should definitely be done well ahead of a dog’s first year, Davis added.

If a dog has been the “only child” in the house, it may become jealous of a new baby. Pet experts advise preparing a dog for a baby’s arrival by socializing it to children and familiarizing it with typical baby sounds and smells. Most experts agree that an infant should never be left unsupervised with a pet.

Because dogs mature quickly, training should begin as early as 8 weeks. “By the time the puppy is 4 months old, he is already in the terrible twos,” said Eckstein, who recommends training a puppy in the house. “Obedience class is fine, but the dog usually responds like Rin Tin Tin in class and when you get home it becomes Cujo the killer dog.”

Because of their highly social nature, dogs will do whatever it takes to get attention. “Whether they are out in the back yard catching a Frisbee until they pass out, (or the family is) barbecuing or watching TV, dogs want so much to be included,” Eckstein said.

But there are times that even a dog must draw the line. For Marcie, the Zarro family’s yellow Labrador retriever, that line is represented by a water-ski rope.

“Marcie loves swimming and Jet Skiing with the kids, but the minute one of us gets in the water to ski, she goes crazy,” Tina Zarro said. “She leaps off the boat and grabs at the skier. I think it’s her maternal instinct trying to rescue a member of her pack.”

Dog Days of Summer

For families considering a pedigree, dog shows are a good way to watch various breeds and talk to owners and breeders. Here are some upcoming events:

Friday: Channel City Kennel Club, Ventura County Fairgrounds, Harbor Boulevard and Figueroa Street, Ventura.

Saturday: Santa Maria Kennel Club, Ventura County Fairgrounds.

Sunday: Ventura County Dog Fanciers Assn., Ventura County Fairgrounds.

July 16: Apple Valley Kennel Club, California State University, 5500 University Parkway, San Bernardino.

July 17: Orange Empire Dog Club, California State University, 5500 University Parkway, San Bernardino.

Aug. 14: South Bay Kennel Club, South High School, 4801 Pacific Coast Highway, Torrance.

Sept. 18: The Burbank Kennel Club, L.A. Valley College, 5800 Fulton Ave., Van Nuys.

Sept. 25: Santa Ana Valley Kennel Club, Cypress College, 9200 Valley View Ave., Cypress.