Montana, Chiefs Have Nothing on Rams : COMMENTARY : Slater Gets in Swing of Things

After 18 years of being slapped in the head, gouged in the eye, kneed in the groin, leg-whipped in the thigh, elbowed in the ribs, kicked in the shins and clawed in the neck, Jackie Slater, revered Ram father figure, finally lost it here Sunday.

It happened during the waning moments in the kind of game we’ve all come to expect from the Rams by now--Rams 16, Joe Montana nada --right after Slater cleared out Kansas City defensive end Neil Smith and waved Jerome Bettis on through for nine yards and one last clock-killing first down.

At the sound of the whistle, Slater hopped to his feet, grabbed an imaginary bat, stepped into an imaginary fastball and took a long, slow, exaggerated swing through the pitch--mimicking the annoying little routine Smith performs every time he beats someone like Slater and sacks a quarterback.

For those who know Slater, this was akin to watching cows fly, goal posts spontaneously combust or Joe Montana get picked off thrice in four quarters by the Ram defense.

“Wow,” Ram safety Marquez Pope said, his voice full of wonder, “that’s weird.”

“That was beautiful,” cornerback Todd Lyght assessed, totally bemused.

“I couldn’t stop laughing,” nickel back Robert Bailey said. “Because it’s, like, ‘Wow, we’re beating the best team in the NFL, the team everybody says is going to the Super Bowl, and Jackie’s doing something like that? An old-timer, doing that?’ ”

Who could believe it?

Who could believe any of it--the 16 points scored by the Rams, the zero points scored by the Chiefs, the Rams at .500 this late in the season, the ever-stoic Slater putting it back in the face of the ever-excitable All-Pro Smith?

“That was a little out of character, wasn’t it?” Slater said, laughing in front of his locker stall.

“I was just excited. I was very proud of my teammates and the way I battled certainly one of the best young defensive ends in the league. That play sealed the victory for us.

“I was just feeling real good, proving that I can still play the game at my age, having fun out there and coming out on the winning side in a big game.”

Oh, and one other thing:

On the previous play, Smith “kind of accidentally got his hand in my face mask and fingernails in my eyeballs,” Slater noted.

The situation cried out for vengeance, so there was Slater at midfield, taking Smith deep, so to speak, for all the world to see.

And how did Smith respond to such public humiliation?

“I think he said he liked it,” Slater deadpanned.

Sounds like Smith, all right.

Was that thunder clapping or Smith’s tongue flapping in the Chiefs’ locker room after the game?

“Hey, I’ll have my days too,” Smith declared. “I kicked his (behind) the whole game. He needs to face up to it.

“He didn’t have no day on me. I was on his quarterback more than he was on me.

“He’s a crazy man, that’s all I have to say. He must be doing something right, to be playing this long.”

At 40, appearing in his Ram-record 250th NFL game, Slater simply got caught up in the trash-talking, finger-pointing mood generated this afternoon by teammates young enough to be his sons.

After four wretched losing seasons, the four worst of his long career, Slater must have fought back a tear or two as he watched the Rams swagger around the field the way real winning teams do. What sights, what sounds. Anthony Newman hitting a man and knocking him when he’s down. Bailey jawing with Chief wide receiver Willie Davis all day and backing up the talk with unusually hyperactive play.

These are the Rams?

Precisely the point, claimed Bailey, who was still seething over the Chiefs’ decision to eschew the field goal and gamble on fourth down not once but twice--once on fourth and 13 from the Ram 34.

“That was disrespectful,” Bailey said, “and it pumped me up. Just because we’re the Rams, you’re going to go for it on fourth and 12? Hey, we get paid just like they do. To me, that was the ultimate disrespect.”

Bailey voiced his views to Davis whenever he was within earshot, which was every time Bailey stepped onto the field.

“I kept yelling at him, ‘Who do you think you’re playing? A high school team? Well, this is no high-school team. And as long as I’m on you, I’m shutting you down.’ ”

Davis got an earful, and a face full. He caught only three passes for 50 yards, only one while Bailey was on the field.

“When you do unorthodox stuff like that,” Bailey said, “it’s going to come back and get you. You go around, ask any of the other 28 teams in the league if you go for it on fourth and 12. No team is going to say ‘Yes, go for it.’

“They broke that rule, and you saw what happened to them. They got goose eggs. They broke the golden rule. When you break the golden rule, you get no sympathy.”

That went for every Ram on Sunday, including, incredibly, Slater, usually the epitome of gentlemanly reserve and dignity.

“That is very out of character for him,” Bailey said, “but this is Jackie’s last year on our team. Everybody figured it before this season and he’s already kind of announced it informally to us.

“He doesn’t want to go out on a bad note, like last year. He wants to go out having fun.”

And so Slater is doing just that, holding his own against an All-Pro defensive end and wishing “I could have played him in my prime.” Practicing his baseball swing out there on the wet grass. Acting like a kid again.