WHAT’S YOUR DISH? : To Nibble, Nosh, Dine or Devour? In Los Angeles, the Menu Is in the Stars

Seeking hi-caloric satori? Southern California offers the quintessential junk-food junkies a borderless diversity in gastronomic delights. (Warning: Keep your favorite antacid, antiflatulent, antihypertensive, antitoxin, antidiarrheal agent and antiseptic gargle handy, or consult your physician.) This fast-food forecast will help you select goodies compatible with your sun sign:

Aries: Gyros and fish burgers temper your fiery ego. California-style thin-crust pizza offsets combative moods. Sushi--for vitality when romantic. Pasta salads and chicken quesadillas to better direct forceful energies. Sloppy Joes if you need to think it over. D-Zert: trail mix.

Taurus: Cheese steak caters to your practical nature. Potato chips and cole slaw heighten discriminatory powers. Fried chicken and Chicago-style pizza free the easy-going aspect of your conservative outlook. Shrimp fried rice breaks bullish routines. D-Zert: cupcake.

Gemini: Macaroni salad incites your go-getter id. Mild chili when feeling overly sensitive. Rib tips and lox-and-onions appeal to your versatile tastes. Beef tongue on rye demonstrates your appetite for intellectual stimulation. Baked beans and veggie tempura fulfill your love of mystery. D-Zert: cannoli.

Cancer: Tuna melts and tacos fuel your dreams. Chorizo and eggs and cheese dogs when you need change. Chef’s salad when wanting to explore unknowns. Barbecued chicken when persistence matters. Fish and chips to gratify your deepest fantasy. D-Zert: fried ice cream.

Leo: Mee krob and machaca burritos arouse your derring-do. Ham and Swiss on rye when feeling expansive. Grilled chicken inspires your drive for success. Chili fries and turkey salad spark leadership qualities. Lasagna flatters your dignified manner. D-Zert: French pastry.

Virgo: Broasted chicken and shrimp scampi challenge your contemplative nature. Pork bok choy for when you have time to take time. Teriyaki beef sparks your ingenuity. Loaded dogs and carnitas--because you prefer fact over theory. The Reuben sharpens your mental acuity. D-Zert: baklava.

Libra: Louisiana hot links and pastrami dip satisfy your need for variety. Beet salad and pad thai complement your harmonious creativity. Bean-and-cheese burritos heighten romance. Shoestring fries help you unwind. Chicken wings lift your spirits. D-Zert: fresh fruit.

Scorpio: Chopped liver and subs augments your native problem-solving skills. Tamales calm your demanding appetite for the different. Mustard dogs subdue emotional extremes. Roast beef on white with mayo perks up your energy level. D-Zert: Churros.

Sagittarius: Fried clams and kraut dogs stimulate your enthusiasm for the philosophical. Onion rings and green Jell-O salad bring out your freedom-loving aspect. Meatloaf sandwiches sate your love of pragmatic ideals. Fried tofu tones down those dangerous tendencies. D-Zert: cookies.

Capricorn: The BLT enhances your organizational skills. Bacon burgers reveal your chameleon-like nature. Tacquitos and jalapeno dogs best suit your tendency to penny-pinch. Gourmet potato salad boosts those low-energy periods. D-Zert: candy bar.

Aquarius: Larb and chichirones keep you ahead of the mob. Club sandwiches fill the urge to pursue scientific curiosities. Corn dogs and carrot-and-raisin salad evoke the child in you. Patty melts mute your argumentative inclinations. D-Zert: fruit turnovers.

Pisces: Ketchup dogs and falafel offer stability when you’re preoccupied with superficialities. Eggplant pizza appeals to your empathetic side. Crab salad excites loving tendencies. Chicken salad and tostados satisfy a proactive imagination. D-Zert: cheesecake.

Bust a gut!