Clippers, Turkeys, Otherwise . . .

Things to be thankful for this gladsome day in sports:

1. Clippers--That they have played only 11 games so far.

2. Raiders--That Tim Brown didn’t jump to Denver. Or anywhere else.

3. George Foreman--That Michael Moorer modeled his fight plan after a guy stepping in front of a freight train going downhill.

4. Roger Maris and Babe Ruth--That the lords of baseball--labor and management alike--canceled a year in which half a dozen guys had a shot at 60-homer seasons.

5. Ted Williams--That he’s still the last guy in baseball to have batted over .400, now that the strike has robbed Tony Gwynn of anyone’s best chance in 53 years to catch him.

6. USC Trojans--That they got out of having to play Penn State again by blowing their Rose Bowl chance. Again.

7. Nebraska Cornhuskers--That there’s no rule a player has to come from that state to play for a state university.

8. Notre Dame--That the Irish didn’t have to play Penn State this year. Now, if they can find the criminal who scheduled Brigham Young! Also Florida State.

9. National Basketball Assn.--That it doesn’t have the same labor-relations teams that hockey and baseball have.

10. Mike Tyson--That his title is in the custody of a) a 45-year-old overweight guy who last held the title 20 years ago, and b) an ex-sparring partner who is so little known even the American Express card commercials don’t want him and is listed on pay-per-view as What’s-His-Name?

11. Tennis--That it has two Americans, Pete Sampras and Andre Agassi, on top of the game instead of guys named Ivan or Boris or Stefan.

12. Gary McCord--That Tom Watson isn’t PGA commissioner. Or maybe he is.

13. Buffalo Bills--That they’re probably not going to go to the Super Bowl for a change.

14. Denver Broncos--See Buffalo Bills.

15. NFL Super Bowl Committee--See Bills again.

16. San Francisco 49ers--That Jimmy Johnson quit as Dallas coach.

17. Barry Switzer--That Dallas owner Jerry Jones wanted a coach he could live with. English translation: one who would share the spotlight.

18. Buddy Ryan--That he finally got a job to match his ego. And at a place where a 5-6 record calls for a ticker-tape parade.

19. The Rams--That they haven’t yet left a community that made pro football what it is today for a community one-half to one-third its size where previous football teams ran out under cover of darkness. Without a backward look.

20. Major league baseball owners--That their fans have such short memories and forgiving natures. The kicking-around they give their fans would be considered spousal abuse in every court in the country, but the fans keep crawling back for more.

21. Major league players--See above.

22. The New York Knicks--That Michael Jordan has gone.

23. The Houston Rockets--That Hakeem Olajuwon doesn’t play baseball.

24. The Phoenix Suns--That Charles Barkley didn’t quit.

25. Pro football owners--That the players’ association is not as strong as baseball’s and hockey’s. You remember baseball and hockey, don’t you?

26. Me--That I have effectively gotten the day off here. A Happy Thanksgiving to each of you.

More Jim Murray

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