It’s Time for Ram Fans to Do a Little Courting

Denial is in the air, hazy and ominous.

Denial from Anaheim--No, John Shaw insists, 40% of the Rams have not been sold to St. Louis businessman Stan Kroenke, the first step in relocating 100% of the Ram franchise.

Denial from St. Louis--Any report of a 40% purchase of the Rams by Kroenke would be “premature,” according to a lawyer who represents Kroenke.

Two words, Ram fans.

They’re gone.

This much we know about sports negotiations of any kind, be they the trading of a first-string linebacker or the dissolution of a 50-year Southern California institution: When the suits and the stuffed shirts start saying “no” for the record, the off-the-record reply--i.e., the truth--is always “yes.”

(The reverse is also true. Media: “So, regardless of what else may transpire between now and then, if Trent Dilfer is still on the board at No. 5, you’re going to take him?” Chuck Knox: “Yes. You have my word.”)

So we might as well get used to the idea.

The Mighty Rich Rams of St. Louis.

Backlit Jerome Bettis photo shoots under the Arch.

Weekly Jimmy Johnson press briefings at Tony’s.

Sean Gilbert, Brett Hull and Ozzie Smith sharing a card-show booth at Union Station.

And, of course, the annual Post-Dispatch Rams-Chiefs exhibition charity classic.

Freed from our emotional attachments to the third-and-one plunge for no gain and the three-man quarterbacking rotation, we can now look to the future with an uncluttered head and scrap Save The Rams for a more practical, pragmatic concept in grass-roots fan coalitions:

Replace The Rams.

It is never too early to begin plotting an insidious franchise grab, as the St. Louis and Baltimore experiences have shown. St. Louis lost the football Cardinals after the 1987 season and are only now getting around to naming a successor, seven long years later. Baltimore lost the Colts in 1984 and had to wait 10 years for a substitute--the CFL Don’t Call Us The Colts, also known as the CFL Baltimore Franchise, also known as The Horse With No Name.

Time is crucial, because with no Rams, no Angels, no Ducks, no Cal State Fullerton football and no Pigskin Classic, autumn in Orange County is beginning to look a lot like autumn in Needles.

So, who’s out there?

Who do we want?

The Buccaneers are in play. True, they have Dilfer and a head coach who says things actually worth printing in the newspaper, but the Bucs are undisputed kings of the 5-11 season. There’s been too much of that around here lately. No sense replacing the West Coast Branch Buccaneers with the sad-sack original--and besides, when the Rams leave for St. Louis, the Buccaneers are the consolation prize. Peter Angelos already has dibs.

In Seattle, attendance is dwindling and the Seahawks are said to be getting itchy. Thanks, no thanks. We know all about Seattle. Curt Warner, Chuck Knox, Chick Harris, George Dyer--the only thing that has ever really translated down here is Starbuck’s.

A great rumor starting to make the rounds has the Cardinals moving west again to fill the void should the Rams and the Raiders vacate the Los Angeles market. Beautiful. St. Louis, which lost the Cardinals, gets the Rams, and L.A., which lost the Rams, gets the Cardinals. A straight-up, one-for-one NFL franchise swap, with Phoenix serving as middle man.

Buddy Ryan finally makes it to Southern California.

The Cardinals have their drawbacks, of course. No playoffs in a non-strike season since 1975. No winning record since 1984. Jay Schroeder. Larry Centers. Bill Bidwill.

Orange County has seen this act before. It is tired of losers. It is sick of bottomless rebuilding programs. It wants a football team with a past--a few championship banners to run up the flagpoles would be nice--and a football team with a present.

Some team winning right now.

Some team contending for the playoffs.

Some team flashier than the Rams, but more conservative than the 49ers. Steve Young to Jerry Rice 16 times a game--that isn’t Orange County’s style. Neither is Tony Zendejas four times a game, though Chuck Knox, obviously, was never notified.

Orange County’s next football team should be able to win its division every so often, win at home, average three touchdowns a game, play some defense . . . even wear orange helmets, if we’re to get greedy here.

Orange County’s next football team should be, yes, the Cleveland Browns.

We get all our football teams from Cleveland. In ‘46, we swindled the Cleveland Rams west. That’s almost 50 years ago. Cleveland replaced the Rams with the Browns in ’50 and has enjoyed mostly successful, totally uninterrupted professional football for 45 years.

That’s long enough.

It is time to trade up, Orange County.

Art Modell, a football owner who knows football, and, more importantly, knows football fans . . . or Georgia Frontiere?

A tangy Mark Rypien-Vinny Testaverde quarterback debate . . . or Chris Miller’s knee-Chris Chandler’s ankle-Tommy Maddox’s arm hitch?

Eric Metcalf . . . or David Lang?

Bill Belichick . . . OK, so no deal is perfect.

If Leigh Steinberg and the Save The Rams button-wearers want to spend some quality time scheduling meetings, Modell is the man they ought to be ringing, not Shaw. So the Browns are entrenched as a way of life in Cleveland. So were the Colts in Baltimore. So were the Rams, once upon a time, in Southern California.

Professional football is a cold business.

Now that we’ve had a refresher course on the ground rules, let the wining, dining and snaking begin. Unless Orange County wants to sample the NFL the way it does the NBA. Maybe the Chargers can be talked into shipping a home game or two up here each year.