Are You a Slacker?

1. Before exiting the employee restroom at work, you instinctively: a.) Wash your hands thoroughly. b.) Check your gums for signs of receding. c.) Steal several rolls of toilet paper.

2. You know a relationship is on the rocks when: a.) You haven’t gone out to dinner in six months. b.) You haven’t had sex in six months. c.) One of you gets a real job.

3. Your aesthetic philosophy could best be summed up with the phrase: a.) “Subvert the dominant paradigm.” b.) “Live the question.” c.) “Novels are hard but poetry’s easy.”

4. Your relationship with your parents would run much smoother if only they would: a.) Quit pestering you about applying to law school. b.) Stop frittering away your inheritance on Carnival Cruises. c.) Install a cash machine on the front lawn.

5. A visitor to your home would be able to find: a.) Coffee filters in the kitchen, socks in the bed and dirty dishes on the toilet tank. b.) Dirty dishes in the kitchen, coffee filters in bed and socks on the toilet tank. c.) Socks in the kitchen, dirty dishes in the bed and coffee filters on the toilet tank.

(The slack answer, in each case, is “c.”)

From the “Official Slacker Handbook,” by Sarah Dunn, Warner Books.