Charity Scene Seeks to Help Victims of Child Abuse

Over benefit luncheons, dinners, teas, the subject keeps coming up: child abuse.

News reports of murders, beatings and neglect have left members of the charity scene asking: “What can we do?”

Plenty, say directors of the Orangewood Children’s Foundation, Olive Crest and the Child Abuse Prevention Council of Orange County. They expect more than 35,000 reports of emotional and physical abuse and sexual molestation will be filed this year.

But volunteers are hard to come by, says Lois Verleur, who, with her husband, Don, founded Olive Crest in 1973 to provide a full range of services for victims of child abuse and their families.

“Child abuse is too painful for most people to think about,” she says. “In the areas of the arts, or cancer research, people can relate, get something back. They are uplifted by an artistic experience, lightened by helping a cancer patient because they’ve lost a loved one to the disease.

“But we don’t get alumni. They’re not capable. The parents are often incarcerated. It takes the children years to pull it all together (after they have been abused).”

Volunteer opportunities at Olive Crest include the support groups Los Compadres (for young professionals), Olive Crest Women’s Guild and its Town, Gown & Apron.

Each group raises funds to provide Olive Crest services, which include the operation of 20 residential homes and more than 150 certified foster family homes in Orange and Los Angeles counties.

Volunteers are also needed in Olive Crest’s Special Friends program. “A special friend is someone who stands by the side of a child on a non-counseling basis,” Verleur says, “and with no questions asked, listens to the child, takes him to the park, plays games with him. They commit to one year of service.”

Candidates for the Special Friends program are carefully screened and receive training on how to mentor children. (For information on volunteer opportunities at Olive Crest, call (714) 543-5437.)

*

If you want to do something right now to make life less stressful for kids, be kinder to your children, grandchildren or nieces and nephews when you cart them to the mall for after-Christmas sales, says Barbara Oliver, executive director of the Child Abuse Prevention Center of Orange County.

“Everyone we talk to has a story about seeing a child abused in a store. You may not think of it as abuse in the classic sense, but it is , just the same.

“We have all seen parents yelling at their children, slapping their hands, shaming them, saying things like, ‘You don’t deserve to be here. I’ll never take you shopping again.’

“The children may be tired, hungry, frustrated,” Oliver explains. “The parents don’t have the tools to cope. What they needed to do was set up the shopping experience beforehand so it would be a positive one.”

To this end, the center has created a bookmark with tips on how to shop with children.

Suggestions include:

* Choose a time when both you and your child are rested, dressed comfortably and not hungry.

* If your child is under 3, shopping time should not exceed 45 minutes (age 3 to 5, one hour; age 5 to 8, one to two 2 hours).

* Encourage positive behavior by agreeing upon a reward, such as stopping at the park, on the way home.

* Praise good behavior with statements such as, “I’m so glad I brought you!”

* Discuss family rules for shopping before you leave. “Remember to stay close to me,” is one example.

* Take along your child’s favorite blanket, toy, book or nutritious snack.

Most parents, says Oliver--who was abused as a child--never mean to hurt their children. “In many cases, parents don’t have the tools or knowledge on how to raise children in a way that doesn’t hurt them.”

Parents need to learn nonviolent responses to their children. They need to establish agreements and consequences. Skills such as these will enable them to not “just blow off steam and hurt their children because they don’t know any other way,” Oliver says.

At the end of March, the council will launch its annual blue-ribbon campaign to promote child abuse prevention awareness. (April is Child Abuse Prevention Month.) People will be encouraged to wear blue ribbons to show their support.

“The blue-ribbon campaign was founded in Norfolk by a grandmother who lost her grandson to child abuse,” Oliver says. “She tied a blue ribbon to the antenna of her van--blue for the bruises on her grandson.”

The council needs volunteers to help assemble and distribute the ribbons and bookmarks. (To help, call (714) 768-5655.)

*

Volunteer opportunities for the Orangewood Children’s Foundation include its Respite Care Program, a support service for foster families, grandparents raising their children’s children and families at risk for child abuse or neglect.

“A donation of less than $200 per month buys two weekends of respite care--a loving substitute for the care-giver,” says foundation director Judy Nelson. “We have a single mom with a disabled child and another child who, if it were not for respite care, wouldn’t be able to keep her disabled child. Her responsibility and work are incredible.”

Members of the foundation’s Orangeblossoms support group operate the Orangewood Boutique in Corona del Mar, a recycled clothing store which, this year, will rake in about $50,000 for children’s services.

“We need volunteers and used clothing,” Nelson says.

To volunteer for the foundation, call (714) 385-8110.