Basic Black, Shiny Shirts, Catchy Caps

The Place: Cafe Bene and Pizzeria at Fred Segal, 500 Broadway, Santa Monica; (310) 395-8288.

Atmosphere: A buzzing, light din of hungry shoppers and hurried office executives. They dine on pizza slices, soups and spicy sandwiches, and everyone politely ignores the obligatory beach derelict, who scrounges up enough change for soup and then intermittently nods off over or coughs into it.

Serving Up Style: A ruddy-faced, apple-cheeked owner, tall and stately in his pale gray T-shirt and matching gray hair, cheerfully oversees guilelessly open-faced young counter clerks, who wear berets and baseball caps.

Customer Themes: For the women, crisp, black pants, narrow, or ending in a slight flair; shiny, patent-leather black, pointy pumps; sheer black stockings; tailored jackets; starched, oversized white lapels; dark sweaters for the younger, hipper shopperets and peachy-pink sweaters for older, pinky-peachy blonds. For men (from young to older): polite Harley-Davidson jackets over studied plaid shirts; faded but ironed soft denim shirts and matching jeans, shiny shirts or designer sweaters.

Hair Apparent: Women wear their long, glossy, immaculately combed tresses lankly behind ears or gathered up in oversized hair ribbons, or let “loose” in studied, geometrically placed hair tendrils. The men’s hair: shaggy, feathered onto the neck or in arrogant curls, dark or graying, depending upon the age.

Accessories: For the women: glossy, ropey pearls as necklaces and bracelets; oversized, round, gold earrings; large ponytail wraps; berets; soft leather, backpack-style purses. For the men: gold-and-silver watches; silk ties; umbrellas; large elbow patches--a throw-back to the 1980s, elegant professor look; sun-bleached, crinkly smiles.

Cardinal Rule: If thou art a finely groomed gray-haired man, thou must survey the room with perfect posture and a regal bearing whilst thou askest: “Excuse me, what kind of soup are you eating?”

Overheard: “I’m like, ‘For Valentine’s Day, everyone’s going to get something at the office but me, and he’s like, ‘When’s Valentine’s Day?’ ”

Parting Statement: “On Sunday, I’m like, ‘Shut up! If I want to be snotty--let me be snotty!’ ”