Now we understand why it was a...

Now we understand why it was a low-speed chase: A just-released survey of drivers by Consumer Reports found that the vehicle judged the least reliable was . . .

The Ford Bronco.

*

A rat’s chance: Our item about David Coher, the teen-ager whose trained rat plucks food out of Coher’s mouth, brought this note from Judy Golden of Santa Monica:

“When we received the enclosed invoice for our rat Wymply, we were stunned by her sudden weight gain (see excerpt). We would have liked to see her perform with Mr. Coher, but she died shortly after her visit to the vet. Out of respect for my daughter Ali’s grief, we tried to keep the 500-pound rat jokes to a minimum.”

Golden adds that it had been difficult to follow the directions on Wymply’s medicine, especially the part that read, “In order to ensure the best response . . . it should be given to your pet when his stomach is empty.”

“Wymply,” she explained, “never told us when she had eaten last.”

*

Warm, wonderful Hollywood: With Oscar time approaching, we’re reminded of the strange urban folk tale involving Marisa Tomei. You may recall she won for best supporting actress in 1993 as the wisecracking girlfriend in “My Cousin Vinnie.”

The rumor, as detailed by the Hollywood Reporter a year ago, was that Tomei had “received her Oscar statue by error” because presenter Jack Palance “hadn’t been able to read the name written in the secret envelope” and had “arbitrarily” called out her name.

The Reporter, which branded the story “quite erroneous” because of Academy safeguards, traced it to a “former son-in-law of a distinguished Academy Award winner.”

But the rumor still hasn’t died.

It came up at the recent Southern California Sports Broadcasters Assn. Awards. Noting that Price Waterhouse officials tabulated the sportscaster vote, emcee Jim Lampley told them tongue-in-cheek that “if Marisa Tomei ever steps up to accept an award, this time you tackle her.”

Like the Hollywood Reporter, we don’t believe the tale for a second.

(Now, about that conspiracy to keep “JFK” from winning the best picture award. . . .)

Gee--wonder why the place is closing?A colleague of ours wanted to dine at fabled Chasen’s once before it shuts its doors. He ordered the specialty--a bowl of chili--which was not on the menu. Later, he came down with a case of heartburn when he saw the price: $23.50. Without crackers. He had asked for some bread on the side and was charged for that, too.

miscelLAny The L.A. Cacophony Society, a gang of artists with bad attitudes, is making its annual excursion to the L.A. Pet Cemetery in Calabasas on Sunday. The members will visit the markers of luminaries ranging from Tom Mix’s horse, Tony, to “Blinkey, the Frozen Chicken interred by artist Jeffrey Vallance.” Presumably, the cemetery charged Vallance by the pound.