PARENTING : Hollywood Siblings Need Strokes Too : When the industry smiles on a child, brothers and sisters can feel left out.

Sibling rivalries are tough enough without one child having to go up against another who’s a television or movie star. Yet that is precisely what many children face when a brother or sister has launched a successful career in show biz.

A child’s feelings of self-worth can plummet faster than the Nielsen ratings on a bad sitcom when that smiling sibling pops up on the tube and elicits squeals of delight from every corner of the family room.

Stage parents must be increasingly attentive to their off-camera offspring, experts say, reinforcing to the family that every child is equally important.

“Parents must make compensatory time for their other children,” said Laura S. Morris, an Encino therapist with experience counseling families in the entertainment industry. “Ask the other children what they’d like to do, and treat it every bit as special as the auditions spent with the actor.

“You have to keep encouraging,” Morris added. “Everybody can do something that they enjoy, and they don’t necessarily have to be the best in the world at it.”

The three children of Ed and Leana Buccellato of West Hills all have acting experience, but to much different degrees. Michael, 21, has had many movie, television and commercial parts, including a supporting role in “Free Willy.” Amy, 17, and Matthew, 14, have had less luck, but they receive no less love.

“We’ve all talked about it, and each child takes pride in what the others do,” said Leana Buccellato, pointing out that Amy is a competitive ice skater and Matthew has taken up the drums. “We approached it as excitement for the whole family.

“Michael has never used (his success) to gloat over his brother and sister. He has never tried to elevate himself.”

Frank discussions with children who aren’t acting or who are having little success in the business are essential. Bob and Linda Brown of Thousand Oaks also have three children who act. Mikeala, 14, has had the least work, landing roles in two episodes of “NYPD Blue” in two years of trying.

“It is a sensitive issue for Mikeala,” Linda Brown said. “She understands on an intellectual level that there are reasons for her not getting work that have nothing to do with her ability--she looks older than her age, and she is wearing braces--but on an emotional level it is difficult.”

Beyond the emotional content of the conflict is a more tangible touchy subject--income. Unlike most childhood endeavors, acting can pay handsomely. Watching a brother or sister zip around in a new car only accentuates the differences.

“We really try to de-emphasize the financial aspect, even though it is always there,” Ed Buccellato said. “Until he started college, Michael was given no more money from his account than his friends were making at fast-food jobs.

“Michael’s first car was a hand-me-down from me, and I’ve told Matthew his first car will come the same way.”

That kind of even-handed approach can be applied to all areas of child-rearing, Morris said.

“Expectations must be the same for everyone,” she said. “Everyone must spend the same amount of time on homework, do equal chores, contribute to the family.”

Being attentive to each child can also help parents recognize a less obvious problem: The actor, the one with the glittery credits and big bank account, also frequently experiences rejection.

Brown’s youngest daughter, Alanna, 11, has done well in commercials and has a handful of movie and television shows on her resume. Last week, however, was a nightmare. She sat through four network sessions only to have the director decide that he wanted a 16-year-old for the part.

“It took up so much time, her heart was in it and she was inches away,” Linda said. “She was wounded. Driving home, I told her, ‘They don’t know what they want. There is nothing wrong with you. There is something wrong with them.’ ”

When they arrived home, Mikeala proved she was handling her own disappointment well enough to boost her sister.

“Is anybody out there better than Alanna?” she shouted. “I don’t think so.”