Truly, the king of the road: Amid...

Truly, the king of the road: Amid reports of the declining number of driver’s licenses in California, we want to reassure readers that there’s still a God.

That is, DMV records list a Southern California resident whose driver’s license says, simply, God.

Theologians, not to mention feminists, may be interested to hear that God is a man.

He’s 50 years old, stands 6 feet tall, weighs 175 pounds, has blue eyes and blond hair and (intimations of mortality?) wears corrective lenses, according to DMV records.

He has no infractions or tickets on his record, the DMV says. God’s driving record, in other words, appears to be perfect. And we wouldn’t expect anything less.

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Let’s hope the spectators had umbrellas: David O’Dell, the world record-holder in tobacco spitting, failed in his recent attempt to break the sport’s legendary 50-foot barrier. In fact, the Harbor City native finished third in the competition held at Calico Ghost Town near Barstow.

O’Dell, whose all-time best (49 feet, 5 inches) is listed in the Guinness Book of World Records, expectorated his half-inch wad just 41 feet, 6 inches this time. He finished two feet behind winner Ron Haefele of the San Bernardino County town of Hinkley.

Why were the marks so low?

“They were spitting into a crosswind,” explained spokesman Don Tucker. “David spit high and let the wind take it and do weird things to it.”

Tobacco-spitting fans will recall that bad luck struck O’Dell at Calico last year, too. He propelled his wad an unprecedented 50 feet only to have it strike the forehead of a cameraman for a British crew, thereby invalidating the effort. Darn media.

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We wouldn’t recommend hitting the “down” button: Laura Petersen shot the accompanying photo of an odd out-of-order sign on a bathroom stall in Santa Monica Place.

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And the losing entries just keep on coming in: Jeanne Barney of West Hollywood suggests that another rejected suggestion in Charlton Heston’s contest to find a title for his autobiography must have been: “Ben Him.”

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In the nick of time: A friend of ours thought he had perfected a morning hurry-up routine of shampooing his hair and shaving while taking a shower. But the other day he had a bit of an accident. While trying to rinse the razor in the water stream, he became the first person we know of to suffer a shaving cut on his posterior.

miscelLAny Murder suspect Eric M. Reed, one of the 14 escapees involved in the Castaic jailbreak, was apprehended Monday at the Cecil Hotel on L.A.’s Skid Row. The Cecil was also one of the last homes of mass-murderer Richard Ramirez, the infamous Night Stalker. By the way, we’re frankly ashamed of the Castaic escapees. Obviously, they have no respect for the name of the facility where they were housed: the Peter Pitchess Honor Rancho.