For Disney, Sports Makes Good Business

S queezing in a few more paragraphs before Disney buys something or someone else . . .

* Pending approval, the Walt Disney Co. soon will own 25% of the Angels. Image-obsessed Disney? Savvy corporate player Disney? Was someone sleeping in quality control? Never fear, the Disney spinmeisters are already working up the ad copy: “Chuck Finley, Mark Langston, Lee Smith, Tim Salmon, Chili Davis and Tony Phillips are ours--the other 75% belongs to the Autrys.”

* For Disney, 25% is a careful, calculated dip of the toe into the murky waters around Anaheim Stadium. No head-first plunge, this. Michael Eisner will take a year or two, take a look around and if he finds baseball (in general) and the Angels (in particular) to be synergy-deficient, he can always sell off his stake and get on with the business of making the Anaheim Lion Kings an NFL expansion reality.

* Disney could have used this buy-some-now, maybe-buy-the-rest-later plan in previous endeavors. For example, Disney, much to its chagrin, owns 100% of EuroDisney.

* Next, Disney tackles the facility crisis confronting its burgeoning sports empire. At the moment, a typical Angel home crowd is about 17,174. In a perfect Disney world, a typical Mighty Duck home crowd would be somewhere in the neighborhood of 64,593. The solution would seem to be as simple as crossing the street.

* So, when do they begin roofing and laying down the ice at the Big A?

* Short of that, Disney appears intent on raising Duck ticket prices through the roof and past the timber line. A 7.9% hike for 1995-96 after a 10.6% hike for 1994-95, and for what? To see if the Ducks can make the jump to 11th place in the Western Conference and 25th in NHL power-play efficiency?

* In fairness, it should be noted that the Du4k$ are not complete cold-blooded greedheads and have decided not to raise the price on 194 selected seats. Yes, the Chosen 194, located next to the glass, will once again go for $75 and $125 apiece.

* For those families unfortunate enough not to have a corporate CEO as chief household breadwinner, there will still be some bargain-buster seats--500 of them, at $14 apiece. Duck fans know them as the “walk up, and up, and up” seats, where you get to sit above the exploding Pond fireworks, alongside the handsome jade rafters and just below the sportswriters and their oxygen masks in the hockey press box.

* But perhaps I’m being too negative here. Let’s try this another way: Next season, a family of four can take in an exciting Mighty Ducks game from behind the nets, eat four hot dogs, drink four sodas, buy a program and park the family vehicle all for less than $300!

* And the ticket stubs make great family heirlooms!

* Keep them in a scrapbook, right next to the wedding photos and the ’87 Mediterranean cruise snapshots!

* Or, better still, pin them to the front of your official Mighty Ducks “Loyal T” shirt. Thanks for coming back after the lockout and selling out all 24 home games, everybody!

* The Ducks, as with every other NHL franchise, lost 18 home dates last season when the owners decided to lock out the players and the fans for 3 1/2 months. Somebody had to make up the difference.

* The Ducks insist their new and improved ticket revenues will be used to upgrade the on-ice talent level, but I’ll believe that when I see Joe Sakic or Alexei Zhamnov camped in front of the net, waiting for a centering pass from Paul Kariya.

* Lots of new attractions on that 1995-96 Ducks’ home schedule. Coming to Anaheim next season: the Minneapolis Jets, the Denver Nordiques and the defending Stanley Cup champion Nashville Devils.

* New realignment for ‘95-96, too--the Pacific, Central, Northeast, Atlantic and In-Transit divisions.

* Somehow I don’t believe this is what the owners had in mind when commissioner-for-hire Gary Bettman promised them he’d “move the NHL into the 1990s.”

* Ottawa could be the next to go. Edmonton’s status is forever shaky. By the year 2010, the NBA will have more teams in Canada than the NHL.

* And Magic Johnson will have played for every one of them.

* Michael Jordan out of the NBA playoffs before the third round. There goes the Oliver Stone screenplay.

* If there’s anything suspicious about the Jordan comeback, it’s the number(s) on the back of his jersey. Be sure to snap up a new No. 45, kiddies. Oops, now you need to buy No. 23. Next year, who knows, the theme could be “Michael Tries On Every Number From Zero To 49 Divisible By 7.” Suggestion, parents: Buy a numberless Bulls jersey, sew on some Velcro.

* Best thing about the new Billy Crystal movie, “Forget Paris,” is the cameo acting of Charles Barkley, Reggie Miller, David Robinson and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. They play themselves, and they have themselves down. Filler is provided by Crystal and Debra Winger, somewhat less convincing as a romantically linked couple. Yes, with one another.

* Upcoming Disney baseball promotion to watch for: Team re-acquires Devon White, team changes name to “Snow, White And the Seven Dwarfs.”