Her Father, the Doctor

Dr. Paul Fleiss apparently believed that it was quite progressive of him not to reprimand his children (“Did Father Know Best?” by Shawn Hubler, April 9). Although his brood enjoyed privilege, opportunity and money, his abdication of guidance eventually yielded him some kids in rehab and another in court for pandering. It’s sad that he won’t admit his experimental methods failed.

Those of us who emigrated from Lithuania, Poland or Hungary in the ‘50s and ‘60s had old-fashioned parents who sternly but intelligently admonished us for our misdeeds, occasionally with a whack when needed. But guess what! Despite our then-unpronounceable names, language barriers, undesirable neighborhoods, impoverished elders, mediocre schools and lack of affirmative action, a fair share of us today are doctors, lawyers and engineers, thanks to our parents’ courage to effectively teach us right from wrong. “Spare the rod and spoil the child” has never sounded better.

Matt Ludas

Los Angeles

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Although Heidi Fleiss was the third child in her family, she was the first biological offspring of Paul and Elissa Fleiss. Her special position in the family must have given her a sense of special entitlement.

It take years of ambivalent parenting to create a sociopathic adult. The parent often gives the child a mixed message that says, “This behavior isn’t good, but you’re so cute doing it,” and “I’m powerless over you.” Heidi would have felt securely loved and less abandoned by her father if he would have said: “I love you, but the answer is no, it’s not cute,” and “I’m in charge here.”

Contrary to Dr. Fleiss’ philosophy of child rearing, love is never enough.

Claire J. Lehr, family therapist

Newport Beach

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So little in this modern, yet unenlightened, society is life-giving. Paul Fleiss, taught several decades of struggling mothers to love their children. He taught me to be adult about my anger and to not assume that all of a child’s misbehavior is a direct attack on his or her parenting. He showed me that the most effective tool a parent can use is love.

The fact that Heidi made some unfortunate choices doesn’t prove that Dr. Fleiss was inadequate as a father. A parent isn’t accountable for every misdeed of an adult child. Parents hope and teach and nurture a child for two decades, but the rest of the child’s life belongs to her.

Vicki L. Berryman

Montrose

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It’s all too apparent that if the good Dr. Fleiss had taken more care in teaching his daughter about character, discipline, responsibility and loyalty, he would not now find himself the victim of his daughter’s loathsome betrayal.

Also, if I were the doctor, I would disown that sniveling, treacherous, poor-excuse-for-a-daughter, Shana Fleiss.

Charles R. Milbourne

Woodland Hills