THE TIMES POLL : Parents Worry About Lack of Time With Kids

Worried they are spending too little time with their children, nearly three of five working mothers in Ventura County would quit their jobs and stay home if they could afford it, a Times Poll shows.

About two of every five working fathers say they would do the same thing if money was not a factor.

“It’s just hard,” said poll respondent Linda Friedman, 37, a computer programmer from Simi Valley and mother of a 2-year-old son. “Your kids spend more waking hours with day-care than they do with you.”

Friedman leaves home each morning at 6:15 for Agoura Hills and gets back about 5 p.m.

“I’d say frustration is part of it,” she said. “And guilt, yeah, especially on days when Aaron’s not feeling well or he’s begging me not to go.”

But Friedman and her salesman husband, Neil, see little chance of staying home with their son even part time, as the mother would prefer.

“It’s just that housing is so expensive,” she said. “I think for most people anymore it’s difficult to live on one income.”

In nearly two-thirds of Ventura County’s two-parent families, both parents work, the U.S. census found in 1990. And 76% of mothers with school-age children held down a job, an unusually high number.

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Despite parents’ concerns about sparse time with their children, however, The Times Poll found only about half of Ventura County teen-agers think it is better to have an unemployed parent at home.

Even without the extra attention, the children believe their parents are doing a fine job of raising them.

In a poll report card, about two-thirds of the youngsters gave their parents A’s for overall performance, and 96% gave them A’s or Bs. No child rated a parent below a C. The parents were not nearly so impressed with themselves, a few even saying they deserve failing grades.

“My parents are probably an A-minus; no, an A,” said Katie Speer, 14, an eighth-grader at Redwood Intermediate School in Thousand Oaks. “They fix my meals, they do my laundry and they love me. They help me with my schoolwork and when I need someone to talk to, they’re there.”

The Los Angeles Times Poll, managed by Susan H. Pinkus, interviewed 1,224 parents and 460 children between the ages of 12 and 17 in Ventura County. The poll, conducted July 29 through Aug. 7, has a margin of sampling error of plus or minus 3 percentage points for parents and plus or minus 5 percentage points for children.

The poll not only found parents who demand more of themselves--and children who appreciate the effort--but also families that spend a lot of time together, yet recall the routines of their daily lives very differently.

They agree that their lives are closely intertwined.

More than 8 of 10 children said they spend a good amount or great deal of time with their parents. And more than half the parents said they volunteer at least once a week for their children’s activities, such as sports and Scouting.

But the details of that togetherness are less precise.

While 78% of the teen-agers said they have no problem having heart-to-heart talks with their parents, 87% of parents said it is easy to talk to their youngsters about problems and issues.

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Likewise, a large majority of parents said they eat dinner with their children every evening, but only two of every five children answered the same way.

Differing points of view were even more marked when questions turned to parental responsibilities.

About 7 of every 10 parents said they monitor their children’s television viewing, but only 21% of the kids said they endure such restrictions. More than 8 of every 10 parents said they impose curfews when their teen-agers go out with friends, but just 6 of 10 children said they have curfews.

Responses to some questions pointed to differences between the county’s rich and its poor in parenting time and approach.

For example, 88% of affluent parents said they place curfews on their teen-agers, but only 68% of poor parents said they did. And 77% of poor parents said they eat dinner with their children every night, compared to just half of the affluent parents.

That final figure highlights again the demands on time that the majority of county families--the median family income is about $58,000--endure to make ends meet financially.

However, the desire for more time with their children is changing parents’ approach to jobs and to parenting, said Carrie Rothstein-Fisch, a child development professor at Cal State Northridge.

Many working women are switching to part-time employment to accommodate both careers and children, she said.

“It’s not either-or,” she said. “I think women are seeking a sense of balance. You have to balance and juggle.”

The Times Poll indicated the extent of the juggling. While 7 of 10 children said their mothers work outside the home and 81% said their fathers do, 3 of every 5 youngsters also said at least one parent is home when they get home from school.

“You have these supermoms, trying to do everything and driving their kids around to all these activities,” said Rothstein-Fisch, who ferries two active children around Ventura herself. “There’s a huge amount of after-school activity. Everybody is in soccer or Little League or dance or piano. It gets to be a pretty full plate.”

Indeed, many Ventura County parents, pressed by financial demands, work jobs around their children’s schedules.

“Four days a week I’m home when my son gets here,” said single mother Cheryl Colvin, 26, who juggles her obligations as a part-time bank teller and full-time student so she can welcome 6-year-old Evan back from his Ventura elementary school.

“I think the family is the most important thing,” she said. “I don’t think schools or day-care should be raising our kids. Parents should be.”

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Mike Kuntz, a single father in Simi Valley, also has arranged his hours as a Rockwell space shuttle welder so he can get home by midafternoon, when his three children are out of school.

Although his shift begins at 6 a.m. he sometimes leaves two hours early because the company wants him to work overtime and he doesn’t want to lose time with his children.

“It’s hard. But I want to make sure my youngest son gets home safe riding his bike,” he said. “I want to be here to help them with their homework. . . . I’m mom and dad.”

Port Hueneme mother Gloria de la Hoya, said she worked for nine years after the birth of her two oldest children, but now stays home with her third because she is convinced that makes her a better mother.

“If both of you are working,” she said of herself and husband Miguel, “you don’t give them enough time. You come home tired and you don’t want to hear any noise.

“This is better,” she added. “I’m here when they get home from school, and now they’re getting a little bit better grades.”

(BEGIN TEXT OF INFOBOX / INFOGRAPHIC)

Family Relations in Ventura County

In a broad survey of the attitudes of Ventura County parents and children, the Los Angeles Times Poll found that families spend a great deal of time together. But many parents think it is not enough. Nearly half of all working parents say they would quit their jobs and stay home to raise their children if they could afford it. Half the children say that is a good idea.

PARENT REPORT CARD

Even without extra attention, county children believe their parents are doing a fine job of raising them. About two-thirds give their parents A’s for overall performance. The parents are not nearly so impressed with themselves, a few even saying they deserve failing grades.

Parents

Q. What kind of report card would you give yourself on the overall job you’re doing in raising your children?

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WHITE LATINO WEST EAST ALL A 44% 45% 42% 49% 44% B 46 46 48 42 46 C 9 4 6 9 7 D -- 1 1 -- -- F 1 -- 1 -- 1

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Kids

Q. What kind of report card would you give your parents in the overall job they’re doing in raising you?

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WHITE LATINO WEST EAST ALL A 66% 68% 70% 59% 65% B 31 28 25 39 31 C 3 2 4 1 3

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Q. Why do you give your parents [that grade] in the job they’re doing in raising you?

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WHITE LATINO WEST EAST ALL Concerned 19% 30% 24% 20% 22% Teach good values 19 16 19 17 18 Help me 17 17 15 19 17 Fair 16 7 13 15 13 Encourage me 12 13 13 13 13 Like them 11 8 9 13 10 Love me 8 7 8 5 7 Good parent 4 11 8 4 6

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HEART-TO-HEART

Parents and children agree that they communicate well, but how well is a matter of dispute. Just one-third of children said it was “very easy” to have heart-to-heart talks with parents, while more than half of parents said they had no problem at all talking to their youngsters about problems.

Parents

Q. How easy do you think it is for your children to talk to you about any issues or problems they have?

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WHITE LATINO WEST EAST ALL Easy 89% 87% 87% 87% 87% Difficult 8 7 8 8 8

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Kids

Q. How easy is it for you to talk to your parents about any issues or problems you have?

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WHITE LATINO WEST EAST ALL Easy 84% 67% 76% 82% 78% Difficult 16 31 23 17 21

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TOGETHERNESS

Although about half of working parents say they would like to quit their jobs and stay home, more than eight of 10 children say they already spend a great deal of time with their parents. And more than half of the parents say they volunteer at least once a week for their children’s free-time activities, such as sports and scouting.

Parents

Q. If you were free to do either, would you prefer to have a job outside the home or would you prefer to stay home and take care of a house and family? (Asked of working parents.)

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MALE FEMALE WHITE LATINO WEST EAST ALL Have a job 58% 34% 49% 40% 47% 47% 47% Stay home 38 59 46 56 49 46 48

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Q. How often are you able to volunteer your time in your children’s outside activities, such as Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, or in the coaching of a sports team?

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WHITE LATINO WEST EAST ALL Every day 7% 8% 9% 4% 7% 5-6 times/week 5 4 4 5 5 3-4 times/week 13 13 13 14 13 1-2 times/week 31 26 28 28 28 Less often 18 16 14 23 17 Not volunteer 12 21 17 11 15 No activities 14 12 14 14 14

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Kids

Q. In the long run, do you think it’s better for children to have both parents work or is it better for children to have one parent stay at home?

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WHITE LATINO WEST EAST ALL Both work 36% 41% 40% 35% 38% One at home 52 49 50 52 51 Don’t know 12 10 10 13 11

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Q. Do you and your parents spend a great deal of time together?

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WHITE LATINO WEST EAST ALL Good amount 84% 86% 82% 87% 84% Not much 16 13 17 13 15

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How the Poll Was Conducted

The Los Angeles Times Poll contacted 4,848 adults living in Ventura County by telephone July 29 through Aug. 7. Interviews were conducted among 1,224 parents and 460 children between the ages of 12 and 17. Telephone numbers were chosen from a list of all exchanges in the county. Random-digit dialing techniques were used so that listed and unlisted numbers could be contacted. Interviews were conducted in both English and Spanish. The sample was weighted slightly to conform with census figures for sex, race, age and education. The margin of sampling error for parents is plus or minus 3 percentages points and for children, plus or minus 5 percentage points; for certain sub-groups the error margin may be somewhat higher. Poll results can also be affected by other factors such as question wording and the order in which questions are presented.

Some columns do not add up to 100% because of multiple responses or “not sure” and declined responses. Also, only the top answers are listed for some questions.