Almost the Emmys, Almost Fun

The Scene: Saturday’s 17th annual CableACE Awards at the Wiltern Theatre. Or seen at home on TNT after being bounced off satellite Galaxy K7, transponder 4. These are the Almost Emmys which, in one guest’s words, “give cable a chance to hug itself thoroughly.”

The Setting: The after party was in a 30,000 square-foot mist-filled white tent furnished with martini bars, chandeliers, topiaries and buffets from Along Came Mary with racks of lamb, duck lasagna and tequila cured salmon. Partitioning the space were 30-foot-long swatches of red velvet hanging from the roof. This created the ambiance of the Russian Tea Room, a New Orleans bordello or, as Bruce Villanch put it, “a spare powder room at Madonna’s house.”

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Who Was There: Every cable TV exec above the level of installer. Among the 2,200 guests were Ted Turner, who is to cable what the Dalai Lama is to Tibet, Jane Fonda, Mary Tyler Moore, Jamie Lee Curtis, Garry Shandling, Shelley Duvall, Tony Danza, Paula Poundstone, Sela Ward, Dennis Miller, Marlee Matlin, Kathy Najimy, Showtime’s Matt Blank, Discovery’s John Hendricks, and HBO’s Jeff Bewkes.

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Noted: When two provocatively dressed women who looked like they might have know Heidi Fleiss on a first-name basis passed by, a woman writer said, “Maybe they’re technical consultants on ‘Red Shoe Diaries.’ ”

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Recurring Theme: HBO’s recently deposed chairman Michael Fuchs was mentioned in at least half a dozen acceptance speeches. This gave the evening the feel of a Teamster dinner not long after Jimmy Hoffa disappeared.

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Aced Out: Boy is Garry Shandling ever sick of winning Ace awards. Somebody should give the guy an Emmy and put him out of his misery.

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Dress Mode: One guest said she thought the crowd was heavy with Washingtonians because the fashion was so dull. She described DC style as: “Not cheap, but boring. It’s like the women shop at Brooks Brothers.”

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Upside: The show was only two hours long. One exec described this as “humanitarian.” Also the chrome-plated, ace-shaped award can be used as a handy mirror for checking makeup.

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Downside: They closed the lobby bar during the show. This was downright cruel. What better time to seek refuge in alcohol than at an awards show?

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Overheard: “It’s totally boring and my feet hurt.”