Stupid criminal tricks:Nat Read forwarded us a...

Stupid criminal tricks:

Nat Read forwarded us a police log from a Glendale newspaper, which listed a woman who was cited for shoplifting $101 worth of merchandise, “including tennis shoes and a ‘Dumber and Dumber’ video.”

*

DOESN’T ANYONE WANT TO BE A FRIEND OF BILL ANYMORE? David Chan of L.A. writes, “When my daughter Christina ran for president of her Catholic school, she jokingly closed her speech at the candidates’ forum by imploring the students to vote for her because she was the only candidate NOT endorsed by Bill Clinton. Everybody got a chuckle out of that, and my daughter ended up in second place in the balloting, which garnered her the position of vice president.

“However,” Chan continues, “the day after the election, the principal made her stand up in front of her classmates and apologize to the other presidential candidates for implying that they had been endorsed by Bill Clinton!”

818 VS. 310: A young woman was overheard at a party saying that she had just started working in the Valley and was surprised to learn that Valleyites refer to anyone who lives on the other side of the Santa Monica Mountains as City People.

“That’s so silly,” she said. “I live in the Palisades, which is hardly the city.”

She continued: “I also discovered that Valley People are very defensive about being from the Valley. They think City People think they are superior to Valley People, which is ridiculous. In fact, we don’t think about them at all.”

We await your rebuttal, Valley People.

*

MORE ILLUMINATING NEWS FROM THE VALLEY: “We all know how difficult it can be to get a street light installed in an otherwise dark neighborhood,” writes John Mayer. “Obviously, these folks in North Hollywood are well connected, both politically and electrically.”

*

THE DRINK WAS ON HIM: Julie Mazur spotted a disheveled man on Spring Street, pouring something from a container in a paper bag into a beer can--right in front of the Major School of Bartending.

*

HOLIDAY TRADITIONAL: While we’re at it, here’s a dessert recipe that ran in a local newspaper a few years ago--a recipe made more festive by a typographical error.

*

BEACH NUTS? We received a breathless news release announcing that “for the first year in the history of the 107-year-old Rose Parade, floats will be using Sunkist California pistachios as one of the natural ingredients used to decorate the floats.”

And how can you recognize California pistachios? By “their natural tan shells,” the press release said. Sure, every tan out here is “natural.”

miscelLAny:

Here’s another gloomy economic indicator--a celebrity home selling for far less than expected. That’s right--the bottle in which Jeannie lived on the 1960s TV sitcom, “I Dream of Jeannie,” drew a bid of about half of its estimated price of $10,000 at an auction.