BODY WATCH : Just Call Him Homer Schwarzenegger

We knew Homer Simpson was a lot of things, but an exercise buff? Sure enough, “The Simpsons’ ” leading man and heartthrob knows everything there is to know about fitness. We believe it. Homer (and the writers of the show) wouldn’t lie.

Question: Describe your workout, please.

Answer: I lift weights. And furniture. It all really depends on what my doughnut has rolled under.

Q: What’s your favorite exercise?

A: I play a lot of fooseball. It keeps my wrists limber for opening pickle jars. Mmmmm . . . pickles.

Q: And do you work out to music?

A: Don’t you have to work out to “YMCA”? I think it’s the law.

Q: Homer, do you deliberately maintain that unique physique?

A: Hey! It just so happens that I model my body after the great masters--Botticelli . . . Rubens . . . Ebert.

Q: How much do you weigh, anyway?

A: Look, lady, maybe I have a little trouble getting into my pants, maybe I eat a few too many pork chops, maybe I’ve been arrested not once but twice for indecent exposure in a place of worship. . . . I’m sorry, what was the question?

Q: I don’t remember. What do you wear when you’re exercising?

A: Let’s see . . . miter, clerical robe, crucifix. . . .

Q: For exercising?

A: Oh, I thought you said exorcising.

Q: Let’s try something else. How about passing along some fitness advice?

A: Despite what you think, nobody wins in a butter-eating contest.

Q: If you were going to do an exercise video, which celebrities would you include?

A: Mr. French. Ooh! And that guy from “F Troop.”

Q: Do you ever exercise with your family?

A: I tried doing some aerobics with Marge once, but her hair got caught in the ceiling fan. Boy, was that a mess! Ceiling fan pieces everywhere!

Q: Does Marge find you especially appealing after you’ve exercised?

A: Are you kidding? Once she sees my healthy glow, she knows the SS Homer is sailing into port with a cargo full of love!

* Guest Workout runs every other Tuesday in Life & Style.