“I want everyone to know that if I am on drugs, my child is with my mother-in-law or her grandparents and two nannies. No way in this world will my child ever be subjected to any of my self-destructive behavior.”

--Courtney Love, on her daughter, Frances Bean Cobain (Los Angeles Times, Aug. 13).


“She wanted to take the coffin out to her ranch and set him up on the patio deck. I had to talk her out of it--I could just see him sliding into the swimming pool.”


--An anonymously quoted Anna Nicole Smith aide, on the model’s behavior after the death of her 90-year-old oil-tycoon husband (People, Aug. 21).


“When I read that Alicia Silverstone was paid $5 million a picture, I said, ‘This is crazy!’ What does that mean Meg Ryan gets for her next film? If Alicia Silverstone gets that much, Sandra Bullock should get $15 million.”

--Unnamed studio executive on Silverstone’s two-film deal at Sony, unwittingly anticipating Bullock’s upcoming $12-million payday (Times, Aug. 12).


“The last thing we think about is our looks, even though people think we do, because our wardrobe and hair are so great.”

--Jennifer Aniston, debunking the myth of what accounts for “Friends’ ” popularity (Entertainment Weekly, Jan. 27).


“It was a disloyal and shabby and goatish thing.”

--Hugh Grant, giving Larry King a belated ethics lesson (quoted in the Times, July 15).

“It seems to me a perfectly reasonable experiment. If I was him, I might well have done the same thing.”

--Emma Thompson, on Grant’s escapade (People, quoting England’s Empire magazine, Oct. 9).

“I understand the story of Melanie Griffith. I accept everything--everything--she brings with her. . . . The woman I have found has been through many things in her life. Fortunately, she put herself together again. . . . People can say, ‘This is a challenge.’ I don’t think so. I think Melanie is aware of what she is.”

--Antonio Banderas, defending his relationship (Movieline, August).


"[Kit Culkin] pissed off enough people so that there’s no one who’s going to be upset about anything that befalls him.”

--Unnamed Hollywood executive, on Macauley’s volatile, ambitious father (People, Sept. 11).


“I’m not the thief who grabs your purse. I’m not the guy who jacks your car. I’m not down with people who steal and hurt others. I’m just a brother who fights back. I’ve got a job. I’m an artist.”

--Tupac Shakur, after serving prison time for sexual abuse (The Times, Oct. 25).


“Are you crazy? A movie like that would cost us $5 million!”

--Brad Krevoy, a Roger Corman executive, when aspiring filmmaker Peter Rader first pitched a “Mad Max” film on the water; “Waterworld” cost $180 million (Entertainment Weekly, July 14).


“It was like trying to film an avalanche. On an avalanche.”

--"Waterworld” crew member (Vanity Fair, August).


“In the future, [Kevin] Costner should only appear in pictures he directs himself. That way, he can always be working with his favorite actor and his favorite director.”

--Director Kevin Reynolds (Entertainment Weekly, July 14).


“I don’t want audiences to feel embarrassed or ashamed to be sitting inside the theater.”

--Director Paul Verhoeven, on his NC-17 epic, “Showgirls” (Entertainment Weekly, Aug. 25).


“ ‘Showgirls’ is a morality tale. It is about a young woman who refused to be corrupted at the deepest part of her being. Not to allow teenagers under 17 to hear this very moral message because it is set against the world of nude Vegas dancing is pious nonsense.”

--Screenwriter Joe Eszterhas (The Times, Sept. 16).


"[Eszterhas is] desperately ill.”

--MPAA head Jack Valenti (The Times, Sept. 16).


“I don’t want accidents, I want disasters. I don’t want dirt, I want filth. I don’t want a storm, I want a hurricane. . . . I don’t want fear, I want panic. I don’t want suspense, I want terror. . . . I don’t want humor, I want hysteria. . . .”

--Director Renny Harlin, in a memo citing his vision for the $100-million “Cutthroat Island” (Spy, March/April).


"[Nathaniel] Hawthorne . . . felt there needed to be punishment. But I felt that his inner story was a hymn to the redemptive power of love, and I knew when I started this project that I was not going to punish Hester and Arthur.”

--Director Roland Joffe, on his updated “The Scarlet Letter” (The Times, Oct. 16).


“By and large, I’m pleased with the creative situation on all the shows.”

--CBS Entertainment President Les Moonves, on his fall schedule (The Times, Sept. 28).


“I don’t feel there’s big difference between what Howard Stern says and what Shakespeare says in terms of reflecting their times.”

--Judith Regan, editor of Stern’s book “Miss America” (The Times, Nov. 20).


“I used to read The New York Times every day. Now I read the Enquirer. . . . By our natures, we are far more interested in Brad Pitt’s haircut, whether or not we like it, than in the line-item veto.”

--Terry Murphy, former Los Angeles news anchor, on her job at “Hard Copy” (The Times, April 16).


“We’re quite excited about it. We feel that it’s going to be a very, very hot property--not because of Oklahoma City, but because it’s a dynamite story, and it’s so current.”

--Producer Robert Rehme, on a film project about a terrorist takeover of the U.S. two weeks after the bombing in Oklahoma City (The Times, May 2).


“I was very disappointed with Judge Ito, the fact that he was so concerned with his status as a celebrity, his willingness to entertain personalities in chambers, to show the lawyers little videotapes of skits on television.”

--Simpson defense attorney Peter Neufeld, after the verdict (Time, Oct. 16).

“We in the media line up to get our daily badges, all the while . . . saying things to each other such as ‘You were good on “Larry King” last night.’ ”

--Writer Dominick Dunne (Vanity Fair, May).

“I never knew where the access was where you could have fun with it, what you could exploit [for comedy] and yet disconnect from the fact that at the core of this was a grisly double homicide. To [Jay Leno’s] credit, he found a way to have fun with many, many aspects of this. Maybe the difference was that being 3,000 miles away, we were the distant relatives coming to the funeral, and we weren’t quite sure what the mood was.”

--David Letterman (Entertainment Weekly, Dec. 1).

KATO’S CAREER: REALITY CHECK II “I’d love to be working in films. It doesn’t mean I’d turn down television, and not to be a lead [in a movie] right away, but just to work with some talented, talented people, because I’m sure if I got a lead, not that I couldn’t do it, but I’d like to learn more from the actors because you can pick up so much from the wisdom of other actors who have been in the business.”

--Brian “Kato” Kaelin (The Times, April 16).


“Getting to work, the remote control on the VCR--why can’t they make one that really works? Everyday life, relationships.”

--KLSX-FM General Manager Bob Moore, on the scintillating subject matter to be included in its all-talk format, anchored by Kaelin and Howard Stern (The Times, Aug. 1).


“It makes Beavis & Butt-head look like an evening at the Algonquin.”

--Reviewer Steve Hochman, on the new KLSX format (The Times, Aug. 19).


“We will get the audience hooked and then give them a very tough choice to make. This matchup may be what finally convinces millions of Americans to learn how to use their VCRs.”

--ABC Entertainment President Ted Harbert, on scheduling “Murder One” against “ER” (The Times, July 1).


“It’s really puzzling why ABC should use a show that is this well-produced as cannon fodder against the top-rated show on television.”

--Producer Jack McQueen (The Times, Oct. 21).


“I’d rather have my immortality here while I’m alive. I don’t care if it lasts beyond me at all. I’d just as soon it didn’t.”

--Jerry Garcia, who died Aug. 9, declining an epitaph in a 1993 interview (Rolling Stone, Sept. 21).


“There is not a sentence in the world that could respectfully do justice to the life and music of Jerry Garcia.”

--Branford Marsalis (Entertainment Weekly tribute issue).


“Jerry has been a revolutionary, a warrior, as long as I’ve known him. He battled for the American soul, out there on the edge of a dangerous frontier--battling . . . the forces of darkness. It was a typical old flower-child battle for the forces of good and mercy and gentleness and mischief.”

--Ken Kesey (Time, Aug. 21).

“I’ve always felt that Deadheads had extremely narrow tastes. Now they’ll have no choice but to expand their horizons.”

--Bob Weir (The Times, Dec. 11).


“Why shouldn’t I get $20 million when [the studios] make half a billion? It’s ridiculous, but it’s fair.”

--Jim Carrey (Esquire, December).


“When the camera’s on, I’m a desperate [expletive].”

--Jim Carrey (Newsweek, June 26).


“One thing I hope I’ll never be is drunk with my own power. And anybody who says I am will never work in this town again.”

--Jim Carrey (Rolling Stone, July 13).


“The personal agendas were overwhelming the company’s agenda. This has absolutely nothing to do with music lyrics.”

--Time Warner Music Group Chairman Michael Fuchs, on the executive woes inside the music division (Newsweek, July 3).


“I don’t think anybody could have possibly conjured up all that transpired at Warner after I left--not even the best fiction writer in the world.”

--Record executive Mo Ostin, newly installed at the music company at DreamWorks, on Time Warner turmoil--before TW dumped Fuchs (The Times, Oct. 6).


“You’ve got people around stars thinking, ‘I get paid because of this guy. I get laid because of this guy. I’m not going to be the one to tell him what to do.’ And if some A&R; guy says, ‘No, I’m not going to record you until you get help,’ there are 10 A&R; guys down the street who would be glad to work him.”

--Concert promoter Barry Fey, on executives’ reluctance to interfere with drug-addicted artists (The Times, Dec. 14).


“George [Harrison] is a very forthright character. And in fact, to tell you the truth, he wasn’t really keen on ‘Free as a Bird.’ He was saying to me, ‘I sort of felt John was going off a little bit toward the end of his writing.’ ”

--Paul McCartney (Newsweek, Oct. 23).


“While a lot of people focus on the glamour of rock, on being a star, on being cool, we’ve focused on our careers. We’re selling more records than any of these other groups, but it would still be nice to get respect as a band.”

--Darius Rucker of Hootie & the Blowfish (Rolling Stone, Aug. 10).


"[Sylvester Stallone] can’t go off and do the story of Louis Pasteur. But if there’s a gun in his hand and someone is chasing him, he’ll return $100 million to the studio.”

--Producer Joel Silver, before Stallone’s two 1995 movies--combined budgets approximately $140 million--took in about $60 million combined domestically (The Times, May 14).


“It’s a gamble, but it’s the path I’m on. ‘Jade’ was calling me, and it wouldn’t go away. It presented the perfect move.”

--David Caruso (ibid).


“What I had hoped for her was that she became so famous that she had to start worrying about her life, that she had to start feeling that she was threatened, and then had to sleep with a gun by the bed every night because she thought that she was so famous someone was going to attack her or do something to her. And then one night she finally realized the sick life she was living, and she just put the gun in her mouth and blew her [expletive] brains out. I thought that a few years ago. Now, I wish her all the best.”

--Bruce Willis, on “The Devil’s Candy” author Julie Salamon (Entertainment Weekly, May 19).


“Siskel’s a perfect weight, but did he get mentioned? No!”

--Roger Ebert, explaining that one of the benefits of being fat is having a joke made at your expense at the Oscars (Entertainment Weekly, April 17).


“One of the [NBC] interns was reading [“The Late Shift”] and said, ‘We have to read it for school.’ Suddenly I’m like Dred Scott, a historical character. There couldn’t be two duller guys than Dave [Letterman] and I. It’s not a book about two hosts [expletive] hookers in the dressing room and doing coke. We both go home at night and work on the act.”

--Jay Leno (Rolling Stone, Dec. 28).


“It’s as though we were all sitting on this quiet beach and we’re not aware of the huge breakers that are about to come down upon us.”

--Michael Ovitz, on merger-mania and his exit from Creative Artists Agency to Disney (Daily Variety, Aug. 15).

“Many of us believe that the deal is done, and we’re just not being told. They stand there and tell us--in what everyone has come to realize are very carefully selected words--and we’re all thinking that very shortly they are going to tell us that it’s done. And they are going to say they didn’t lie to us.”

--An unnamed CAA agent, during the first round of rumors that Ovitz was leaving for MCA (Daily Variety, June 2).


“No one’s ever seen so much love in that office.”

--An unnamed CAA insider, on Ovitz’s (temporary) announcement that he was staying (Daily Variety, June 6).


“First the Soviet Union and now CAA--who can keep up?”

--Producer Sean Daniel, after Ovitz finally made his move to Disney (Daily Variety, Aug. 15).


“My liner notes are by no means an endorsement of any new songs that appear on what has now been released as Michael Jackson’s ‘HIStory’ album.”

--Steven Spielberg, distancing himself from the King of Pop (The Times, June 16).

“How can I forgive you for teaching my child the word ‘kike’? . . . Stop seeing yourself as a victim who has been misunderstood. Could it be you are enraged by a young Jewish boy who ‘sued you,’ ‘Jewed you’ and ‘kiked you’?”

--Dawn Steel, in an open letter to Jackson (The Times, June 26).

“Because of the unforeseen reaction to specific words in my song . . . I have chosen to re-record it. I sincerely hope that anyone offended by my words with forgive me for not recognizing this sooner.”

--Michael Jackson (The Times, June 23).

“These children . . . won’t let him go to the bathroom without them.”

--Lisa Marie Jackson, to Diane Sawyer (quoted in The Times, June 14).