Obviously, Commuting Is in Their Blood

Coming home on a United shuttle from San Francisco, we noticed a woman and her traveling companion peering anxiously out the airplane window.

She: “The 405 looks jammed.”

He: “It’s all coming off the 10.”

A nearby passenger checked the view. “The 101 looks pretty clear.”

Others began to scope their commutes as the captain came on the intercom. “I’d like to welcome you to Los Angeles. We’ll be landing in approximately 10 minutes.”

But his words were redundant. The passengers were already there. Gives new meaning to the term “air traffic control.”

*

A Kook, Coast to Coast: Do we think Howard Stern apostle Larry Greene--notorious waver of pro-Stern placards on the corner of Highland and Melrose--is some kind of kook?

So we did, until a recent trip to New York, where we saw him on Fifth Avenue, again proclaiming Stern’s genius to anyone who’d listen.

Feeling homesick, we stopped to say hello, which Greene took as an invitation to follow us, claiming that the Stern shtick was “all an act. Hey, now they’re flying me across the country to make appearances when Howard can’t show up.”

We parted ways in front of Rockefeller Plaza, where Greene recommenced flogging his alleged meal ticket.

*

And a Happy New Year: Cheers to local government, which made our holiday shopping a little less anxious by affixing red paper wreaths to parking meters with this note: “Seasons greetings from the City of West Hollywood. Free parking Dec. 23, 24, 25 and 26.”

And a big Bronx cheer for one branch of the U.S. Postal Service that posted the slogan, “Helping You Handle the Holidays.” Waiting for one of two postal clerks at the Hollywood P.O., in a line longer than a team of reindeer, a beleaguered woman gazed helplessly at the holiday motto and gasped, “If they want to help us, they should hand out Valium.”

Or at least some eggnog.