Cruise: Fitness : Ship Shape : With temptation on every deck, a fat-free voyager tries to avoid the midnight buffet and do ‘the spa thing’

The battle for my resolve began about 10 minutes after I boarded Royal Caribbean’s Sovereign of the Seas.

“I got a nice Bahama Mama. Bahama Mama here!” called a bartender with a lilting island accent.

“Pina colada!” came the call from port side.

“Nice strawberry daiquiri for the lady?” was the inquiry astern.

The bartenders, bearing trays of colorful drinks in hurricane glasses, were circulating among passengers about to sail from Miami for a seven-day eastern Caribbean loop, with stops at Labadee, Haiti; San Juan, Puerto Rico; St. Thomas, U.S. Virgin Islands, and Coco Cay, Bahamas.

The drinks were the first concrete manifestation of the intemperate fantasies promised by the cruise brochure: groaning midnight buffets, beach barbecues, free happy hour hors d’oeuvres, bars that almost never close and 24-hour cabin service.

But I had a different fantasy--a feels-great, less-filling, cruise lite.

I envisioned my week as a chance to enjoy a seagoing spa complete with beauty treatments, step classes, weight circuits and lower-calorie meals.

A waste, you say, of seven perfectly good midnight buffets?

Look at it from another perspective: Many midnight buffet-goers never take advantage of the gym, the basketball court, the aerobics classes, the sauna, the masseuse or the dreamy “environmental capsule” that combines aroma therapy, New Age music, sauna and massage in a single machine. Wasn’t that a lost opportunity too?

Now, I am by no means an ascetic. In fact, I don’t do any of this stuff regularly at home, which is precisely why I needed to do it on a cruise. Aboard ship, the usual excuses for exercise avoidance--working late, feeling tired--don’t apply. Nor was starvation my objective; it was merely to return from vacation wearing the same belt.

*

During spa week, I decided, I would allow myself anything non-fattening: shopping, shore excursions, beauty salon visits, reading, exercise and fooling around with my spouse. I would consume foods designated by the menu as low-calorie and pass on the wine. I would not take the elevators, choosing instead to walk from our cabin on Deck 4 to the two pools (Deck 11), the fitness center (Deck 10), the library (Deck 7), the shopping area (Deck 5) the dining areas (Decks 3, 4 and 11) and the cinema (Deck 2). Besides, with 2,276 passengers on the fully booked Sovereign of the Seas (one of 10 ships in the Royal Caribbean fleet)--many of them senior citizens who relied heavily on the elevators--it was faster to walk than to wait for a lift.

Temptation beckoned even before we could unpack. Waiting in our cabin was a bottle of chilled California sparkling wine, a gift from our travel agent. Passengers were still checking in when the Caribbean barmen began making their rounds with trays of impulse-buy drinks--$4.95, but you could keep the glass. I smiled and declined. We lined up for lunch--a big plate of pasta for my husband; a tiny one for me.

“Oh, no. You’re not doing the spa thing?” he asked. “If I’d known that, I would have asked for another table assignment at dinner.”

I returned to the cabin feeling virtuous, until I decided it would be rude not to have at least one glass of the bubbly sent by our travel agent. Then I went for a look at the ShipShape Center.

*

It had all the usual instruments of torture: step machines, bicycles, rowing machines, weight machines and free weights. There was a large open floor area for stretch, aerobics, gut-buster, below-the-belt and step classes. One wall was mirrored; the opposite wall was a curved expanse of windows that offered a view of two outdoor hot tubs.

At the orientation session, I learned that among the 825 staffers were personal trainers, whom I could hire for $40 an hour. (I chose to go it alone.) Anyone who signed up for a body fat analysis right away could get 20% off the usual price, also $40.

(I didn’t want any bad news.)

The fitness center was open 7 a.m. to 8 p.m. Jogging was permitted on Deck 7, but not before 10 a.m. so as not to disturb sleeping passengers below. Group activities, which ranged from the sunrise stretch and Tai Chi to Blowout Aerobics, were scheduled continuously from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. On the flip side, eating activities were in progress at almost every hour as well, starting with Early Bird breakfast at 6:30 a.m. and ending with the midnight buffet’s last call at 1:30 a.m.

I returned to the cabin and woke my husband for dinner. In the dining room I was faced with a schizophrenic menu. On the left (the spa side) were listed low-fat, calorie-reduced dishes; on the right (the sinful side) was the regular menu. I ordered from the spa side: shrimp cocktail, beef consommewith two crackers, filet of sole with green peppercorn sauce, steamed broccoli and potato, key lime pie and black coffee.

*

According to the menu, the calorie total was 600; I would have tacked on another 100 if I’d included a salad with diet dressing. I said no to the night’s featured after-dinner drink, a Beam Me Up Scotty, which consisted of Kahlua, Midori melon liqueur and Bailey’s Irish Cream. I departed feeling full, if not fully satisfied.

My husband ate both the chocolates left on our pillows. I opened a bottle of Evian. The chocolates were free; the Evian was $2.50. Later, we went to the midnight buffet. Just to look.

On Day 2, I slept later than planned and was faced with a dilemma: breakfast or step class? There wasn’t time for both. I went to a beginner’s step class.

This was the height of embarrassment. At anything faster than waltz time, I couldn’t coordinate my step right, step left, step up and step down. When class ended after 30 minutes, I was panting. Many of my Spandexed step-sisters hadn’t even broken a sweat.

I decided to try something requiring less skill: walking. I lapped the Promenade Deck for one hour, four circuits to the mile, four miles in all. Since this was an at-sea day, the ship’s forward movement created a pleasant breeze. (I learned that walking on an in-port day was uncomfortable in this humid climate.)

My husband smiled supportively each time I passed. His vantage point: a leather sofa near a window in the ship’s air-conditioned library, with a view of the Promenade Deck and the sea.

By Day 2, I’d already begun to weaken. I decided to allow myself some non-diet foods if I didn’t finish them. I’d allow myself one splurge a day, offsetting it with as much exercise as my sedentary 42-year-old bod could stand.

By Day 3, my legs ached from faithful adherence to my no-elevator vow. My arms ached from hoisting free weights. I noted with amusement that the step classes--initially booked solid--now showed only three or four sign-ups. The stair-step machines now sat idle for long stretches of the day.

To vary the routine, I sometimes walked laps on the pool deck, within earshot of the bar blender. Every hour presented choices. At 10 a.m, would it be a fitness class or a Mimosa and croissant in the Champagne Bar? At 4 p.m., a “Just Abs” class in the ShipShape Center or a wine tasting? At 6 p.m., the solitude of the sauna or free hors d’oeuvres in one of the ship’s 11 bars?

*

I wasn’t the only one following a cruise-lite program. The fitness center was often crowded. But I found that by eating a large breakfast at 10:15 a.m.--fresh fruit, yogurt, cereal, skim milk, black coffee--I could skip lunch and have the facilities almost to myself. Some days I walked and worked out in a single stretch; on other days, I split the schedule with a nap or a novel in between. I spaced out the salon appointments so that each day I could look forward to something: a manicure one day, a pedicure another day, a swept-up hairstyle for one of the formal nights on board.

I booked a 30-minute session with the Nouveau Yu “relaxation chamber” in one of the massage rooms. The device itself looks like a big clamshell when open and one of those Easter eggs with a tableau inside when closed. It accommodates one nude, towel-wrapped passenger in a reclining position and is a cross between a dry Jacuzzi and a vibrating massage chair. It was so wonderful that when an attendant came in halfway through the music-massage-aromatherapy program, I asked for an extra 15 minutes. The entire 45 minutes cost $50 and was worth every penny: The glow lasted for hours.

On the days I did have lunch, I stuck to the salad bar at the indoor-outdoor Windjammer Cafe or ordered from the spa side of the menu in the dining room. The low-fat dressings offered had a harsh, artificial taste, so I compromised by taking a minuscule amount of the regular salad dressings.

It was harder to be good at dinner. This was where my one-a-day splurges came in. On two evenings, the ship’s chief engineer joined our table for dinner and treated us to drinks. How could I not hoist a glass of aquavit and bid him “Skoal!” or accept a glass (OK, two glasses) of the fine wines he had ordered? An after-dinner drink? It would have been impolite to decline.

On those nights, I sought to balance my indulgence with the spa menu: onion soup without melted cheese on top; a tossed salad; a skinless Coq au Vin that the menu swore was a mere 401 calories. I ogled my husband’s chocolate soufflewhile I picked at my rainbow sherbet.

One night I succumbed to prime rib, but skipped an appetizer and dessert. The assorted pre-dinner splurges included a glass of Opus One ($15 at the Champagne Bar); a silly blender drink one afternoon at the Pool Bar; salsa and chips (but only a couple!) in one of the lounges, and teeny, tiny hors d’oeuvres at one Happy Hour. I managed to keep my hands out of the bar nuts.

The moment of truth came on the final afternoon. I walked my laps, went to the fitness center, climbed stairs, sweated in the sauna, then stepped on the scale.

My weight was exactly the same as the day I boarded the ship. That night, we went to the midnight buffet. Why not? It couldn’t hurt me.

I was not a spectator.

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GUIDEBOOK: Shaping Up on the Sea

Cruise itineraries: Seven-day cruises in the Caribbean year round, sailing from Miami to Miami.

Dining: Two dining rooms with assigned seating, plus an informal indoor-outdoor dining area with buffet service; 24-hour room service.

Cruise lite options: Two swimming pools, fully equipped gym, free fitness classes and free use of sauna. Personal trainer available for $40 an hour. Nouveau Yu relaxation chamber, $50 for 45 minutes. Massage, facials and body wraps at varying costs, depending on treatment.

What it costs: Beginning at $1,399 per person, double occupancy, including air fare and airport transfers. Many discount packages are available.

For more information: Royal Caribbean Cruise Line, 1050 Caribbean Way, Miami, FL 33132-2096; tel. (800) 526-7225.

--M.G.