Are Real L.A. Hockey Kings Now Ducks?

For the discerning hockey fans of Southern California, the Wolfgang Puckheads who savored vintage Gretzky and could tell a very fine year (1993) from a very lean one (1996), future shock came in the form of a 6-inch-by-10-inch newspaper ad that appeared in Monday’s editions.

The ad, purchased and planted by the Kings, urged readers to “Get in on the Kings 6-Game Stretch Drive Ticket Plan” and, by way of incentive, featured photos of four important King players.

Dimitri Khristich (“Kings Leading Goal Scorer”).

Vitali Yachmenev (“Among NHL Rookie Scoring Leaders”).

Yanic Perreault (“High-Scoring Center”).

Kevin Stevens (“1 of 2 all-time 50 goal/200 penalty minute players”).

Stretch Drive Ticket Plan--that’s one way to look at it.

You see those names, you get up, you stretch and you drive straight to The Pond to buy a ticket to the next Mighty Ducks’ home game.

Post-Gretzky (with the Kings likely soon to be post-Kurri, post-Hrudey and post-McSorley as well), the popularity rankings for professional hockey in Southern California now read:

1. Mighty Ducks.

2. Ice Dogs.

3. Any team playing the Mighty Ducks or the Ice Dogs.

4. Kings.

With Gretzky gone, the Edmonton Oiler Alumni Assn. (Los Angeles Chapter) will begin disassembly immediately. Marty McSorley, Gretzky’s longtime bodyguard, dinner companion and media liaison, suddenly finds that his most valuable services are no longer required. Jari Kurri once formed a prolific scoring partnership with Gretzky, but today he wakes up 35 and all alone. What good is an aging goal-scorer when he’s drumming his fingers on his hockey stick, waiting for Patrice Tardif or Craig Johnson--or anybody in the house, somebody--to send him the puck?

Kelly Hrudey, 35 in human years but 65 in King goalie years, is also on the waiting list out of town. The Kings believe it’s time to throw a younger, fresher target back there--and believe they can get to Jamie Storr before he flees the country.

When that happens, the three most famous hockey stars in the area will be:

1. Teemu Selanne, Mighty Duck.

2. Paul Kariya, Mighty Duck.

3. Guy Hebert, Mighty Duck. (Does more commercials than Rob Blake.)

In less than three years, the two local NHL entries have undergone total role reversal. In the spring of 1993, the Kings were on their way to the Stanley Cup finals and the Mighty Ducks were just a name--no team yet, just a name, and a ridiculous name at that.

Once the Ducks were up and skating, the credibility gap only widened.

The Kings were the team with Gretzky and Robitaille and Marcel Dionne’s jersey up near the rafters--the L.A. hockey team for adults.

The Ducks were the team with Donald Duck on their chests, kindergarten-level “trivia” quizzes for their fans (“Q: What is ‘a hat trick’?”) and Wild Wing on a guy wire, stuck near the rafters. They were kid stuff, literally and figuratively, leading the league in eight-year-olds in attendance and grimacing moms and dads plugging their ears.

For 2 1/2 seasons, the Ducks and the Kings were a two-step program for aspiring hockey connoisseurs. The Ducks were the starter kit, the Kings finishing school. You cut your teeth on Bob Corkum and Peter Douris, you learned the icing rule, you memorized the Disney “Rock The Pond” corporate anthem--and then you graduated to Gretzky.

The system worked.

The two organizations understood their places.

And then, the Ducks traded for Selanne.

This move, a legitimate shock, left the NHL gasping and the Kings so discombobulated that Tuesday night, they went and traded the greatest hockey player ever for three guys named Johnson, Vopat and Tardif.

Or is that Manny, Moe and Jack?

Today, the Ducks have Selanne, the 50-goal scorer Gretzky begged Kings’ management to acquire before Sam McMaster nodded and brought in Doug Zmolek. The Ducks also have Kariya, who was christened The Next Gretzky before he signed his first contract. Selanne is 25, Kariya is 21. The Ducks suddenly have an intriguing present and a glistening future. The Kings have Rob Cowie and a half-empty Forum.

Along with Bruce McNall, who needed the money from Disney, Gretzky made the Mighty Ducks possible. Gretzky showed that hockey could play beneath the palm trees, before the uneducated suntanned masses. Now that work is done and the silly little plaything Gretzky helped create for Orange County now stands to supplant the Kings as The Real Hockey Deal In Town.

Gretzky, ever the diplomat, tried to downplay that notion on the way out Tuesday night.

“I don’t mean this as an insult,” he said, “and I don’t want to start something, but L.A. is a Kings town as long as the Kings are winning. It’s a lot like the Dodgers and the Angels, I think. When the Angels are successful, they can keep up. If the Ducks are struggling, I think the Ducks will be chasing the Kings.”

But the Kings aren’t winning. At the moment, all they are doing is losing bad hockey games and great hockey players.

The Ducks, two points back, have Kariya and they have added Selanne.

The rest of the math should be easy.