Amazing Grace

Greg Gagne hears the whispers. He knows what people are saying.

Gagne is a born-again Christian, eager to spread the word to anyone who will listen.

It can be painful to be a practicing Christian in baseball, a game in which an alcoholic womanizer can be a hero.

Consider Mickey Mantle.

Sin is not only acceptable in baseball, it is often celebrated. You’re OK if you can party hard and still succeed on the field. Born-agains? Well . . . Gagne has heard it all. Christians are supposed to be passive ballplayers who have lost their desire to win. They’re supposed to be more interested in their next prayer meeting than in taking an extra round of batting practice.

‘It’s brutal,” Gagne said. “You hear what they’re saying about you. It burns you up. Those people don’t know me. They don’t know anything about me.

“Hey, I’ll get mad and kick things. I don’t like it when I don’t get a hit. I get upset when I make an error. But I handle it in a different way. I don’t have to cuss to show I’m angry.

“It’s easy to joke and criticize, but they don’t know what I’ve been through. They don’t know who I am.”

Gagne, the new shortstop who has the Dodgers believing they will be playing in the World Series, has an evening routine. He hits his knees and thanks the man upstairs simply for being alive.

He could easily have died as a teenager. In fact, he wanted to die.

He attempted suicide when he was 17. He chugged vodka and cola, intending to poison his body and never awaken. He passed out, then cursed aloud when he awoke.

“I tried to kill myself because I didn’t care if I lived,” Gagne said, almost in a whisper. “I just kept chugging. I said to myself, ‘If I keep drinking, maybe I’ll die.’ I didn’t care. I really didn’t.”

Gagne was trying to drown the pain he felt from not being loved. It was unbearable for him to be in total control and to have no control at all.

“I lost all desire in life,” Gagne said.

He finally realized that he needed a dream. He needed a reason to continue living.

It turns out, he needed baseball. But first, he needed love.

Gagne, who was running the streets when he was 12, said his troubles began when his parents divorced. One of nine children, Gagne chose to live with his mother, Patricia Kenyon.

He wanted freedom, and got plenty of it.

Gagne skipped school, experimented with drugs, drank every day, and partied hard every night.

It didn’t matter that he was a star athlete at Somerset High in Massachusetts, rage was burning inside him, and he reacted by trying to destroy his body.

You name it, Gagne said, and he tried it: alcohol, marijuana, mescaline, speed, angel dust, hash . . .

“Those are the ones at least I remember,” he said.

Gagne didn’t have the money to buy drugs and booze, of course, so he stole at every opportunity. If he got caught, who cared? He was headed for jail, anyway, wasn’t he?

It wasn’t until Gagne was kicked off the football team in his junior year that he realized what he was doing to himself. His estranged father, Elmer Gagne, took him out the next day to the football field. He told the youngster he was ruining his life.

It struck Gagne that somebody really cared.

“I just broke down and cried,” Gagne said. “That’s what I needed.”

And the dream? Gagne chose baseball. He was drafted by the New York Yankees in 1979, found religion in 1980, played in the 1987 and 1991 World Series with the Minnesota Twins, and today, as the team’s new shortstop, is considered the key to the Dodgers’ success.

“A lot of kids in the world are like me,” Gagne said. “I want them to see what God did for me in my life. I want them to see life is not drugs, drinking and smoking. Life is not even baseball. Baseball is good, but it is not life.

“The public will first look at you because of baseball, but I want to make it known how the Lord blessed me and saved my life.

“I want people to know that you can be a good Christian and a hard-nosed ballplayer. Look at me, I’m not perfect. I still dip [chew tobacco]. I’ll drink an occasional beer. I curse once in a while.

“But I believe strongly in right and wrong.”

These beliefs directed Gagne to the Dodgers. He wanted to stay with the Kansas City Royals but decided they weren’t serious about keeping him.

The Dodgers were interested but he decided he was going to play in St. Louis. That would be perfect. He had played his entire major league career in the Midwest and the Cardinals were going to sign Gary Gaetti, his close friend and former teammate.

Gagne’s agent telephoned Fred Claire, Dodger executive vice president, and told him that Greg was going to sign with the Cardinals. But then the Cardinals pulled the offer, saying they were exploring a nine-player deal that would enable them to acquire shortstop Mike Bordick of the Oakland Athletics.

Gagne was incensed. He told his agent to call back Claire.

He also decided that instead of the Dodgers’ original two-year offer, he would accept a one-year contract for $2.6 million. He was passing on another guaranteed $2.4 million.

The original explanation was that Gagne simply wanted to see whether he and his family would be comfortable in Los Angeles. Gagne now says that it would not have been fair to accept a two-year deal.

“Because I told them I was going a different direction,” Gagne said. “That wasn’t right. That would have been greedy.”

So the Dodgers, who had started out wanting Walt Weiss of the Colorado Rockies, now have a shortstop they believe will be the last piece in the World Series puzzle.

“That move right there will be huge for them,” Atlanta third baseman Chipper Jones speculated. “No telling how many runs it will save them. It might be the difference between a 5-4 win and a 4-3 loss.”

Added Atlanta first baseman Fred McGriff, “I’ve been telling guys that Gagne will make a big difference for those guys. I mean, they were already a good team. Now, they’ve got a chance to be a great one.”

Gagne, 34, already is starting to fit in. He doesn’t talk in the clubhouse, he speed raps. His voice is cracked Boston blacktop and broken glass, with an “ah-ah-ah” stutter. He loves to talk, but doesn’t boast.

“I’m here because they think I can play shortstop better than the other guy,” Gagne said, never referring to Jose Offerman by name. “I wanted to go to a place that wanted a shortstop, that needed a shortstop, and has the opportunity to go the World Series.

“Hopefully, everyone will get what they want, but I’m just one guy. I can’t do this by myself. This team went to the playoffs without me, so it’s not like I’m going to carry them on my back.”

The Royals will tell you that Gagne is being modest.

Said Royal pitcher Mark Gubicza, “It’s funny, when you’re playing against him, you don’t think that much of him. But when he’s on your team, wow, you can’t believe it.

“He’s a spectacular player. He meant as much to this team as George [Brett] and Hal [McRae] did, but we just didn’t have the same kind of talent surrounding him.”

Said Royal reliever Jeff Montgomery, “Barry Larkin [of Cincinnati] may be the obvious superstar shortstop in this game, but to me, Gagne is just as big. He’s a human highlight film. Those [Dodger] pitchers are going to love him. The fans will love him. The entire city will love him.”

Gagne isn’t quite sure what to make of this Los Angeles experience. This is a guy whose idea of a great night on the road is a game of Nintendo and room service. Yet, he’s going to live in a Beverly Hills condominium. If nothing else, he can tell the boys back home about the L.A. scene.

“My biggest thing will be finding a place to eat and bed down at night,” Gagne said. “I did enough running around when I was younger. I don’t need to be going out to bars or nightclubs.”

Gagne smiles, starts to cackle, and rolls his eyes.

Los Angeles will be different, all right.

Who knows, maybe Los Angeles will never be the same.