Wrapping Up (and Rapping) NBA Season

Now that the bloated festival of hype that is the NBA playoffs has mercifully ended, it’s time to look at the scoreboard:

--Number of playoff games: 65.

--Number of exciting playoff games: 3.

--Approximate number of personal fouls called: 2,500.

--Approximate number of fouls drawing histrionics from offending player: 2,485.

--Number of Dennis Rodman hairdos: 23.

--Number of Dennis Rodman muggings for the camera: 87.

--Number of commercials featuring Michael Jordan: 1,603.

--Number of times repetitive three chords played by arena organists: 1,245.

--Number of Bob Costas smirks: 153.

--Number of insightful comments by NBC analysts: 2.

--Number of minutes of NBA I plan to watch next season: 0.

WILLIAM PLATT

Sherman Oaks

*

Just after my children finally recovered from having their hearts broken when they learned that pro wrestling is basically equivalent to a behemoth’s Bolshoi, they witness NBC pinning the Bulls to the hardwood and forcing them to lose Games 4 and 5 of the NBA finals.

At least the level of acting is better in the NBA than the WWF, what with Jordan playing the “Good,” Rodman playing the “Bad,” Pippen playing the “Ugly” and NBC playing the title role in “For a Few Dollars More.”

BRUCE NICHOLSON

Redondo Beach

*

Gary Payton’s trash-talking, lip-flapping style of basketball proved that talk is cheap.

R.J. DEAKINS

Temecula

*

Top five reasons why the Bulls could not beat the ‘80s Lakers or Celtics:

1. No one to defend the skyhook.

2. “Big Game” James vs. “I’m Not Going to Show Up in the Big Games” Pippen.

3. Could Pippen and Kukoc handle the physical and mental game of the Celtic frontcourt?

4. Closer three-point line would have made Bird even more dangerous. (That’s scary!)

5. Those damn Boston Garden leprechauns.

JOSEPH ALABADA

Canoga Park

*

The 1996 Bulls would either be swept or lose in five games to the ’86 Celtics or either of the Laker teams of 1987-88. I doubt they could beat either of Detroit’s champions in 1989-90 or the ’83 76ers. The Bulls are a championship team, but you probably would need to go back to the Rick Barry-led Golden State Warriors in 1975 to find a champion to approximate this season’s winners.

DANE BOYSEN

Shell Beach

*

The real MVP of the NBA finals should have been Shawn Kemp. He had better statistics than Michael Jordan, who shot five of 19 in one game and only 41% for the series. Players on losing teams have won the award in some sports, and it should have happened this year.

LARRY BICKMANN

Moorpark

*

It’s about time someone complained about Bill Walton’s commentary during the NBA playoffs. No one can take anything away from the Hall of Famer’s terrific career on the court, but his Neanderthal commentating leaves much to be desired.

I have never heard such consistent negativism from an NBC sports analyst. This was embarrassingly obvious during the finals, when most of Walton’s comments were destructive, compared to Matt Guokas’ largely constructive criticism.

ROBERT PALMER

Claremont

*

After reading how NBC’s Peter Vecsey assaulted a man for calling him an idiot, I came to the amazing conclusion that Peter Vecsey . . . is an idiot.

BRETT JOHNSON

West Hills