It takes an expert:A code enforcement officer...

It takes an expert:

A code enforcement officer for the city of Paramount responded to a complaint about a house with excessive debris in the driveway, including an inoperative motorcycle.

The resident “insisted that the motorcycle was in perfect running condition and he could start it any time,” Paramount’s City Talk newsletter reported.

He was given a chance.

The resident pushed the machine up the street. Then he pushed it down the street. But the only noise that could be heard was his own labored breathing. Finally, he pushed it back to the house and agreed to remove it.

As the officer thanked him, the resident asked “how did he know that the motorcycle would not run,” the newsletter related. The officer “replied that there was a big empty space where the engine was supposed to be. The resident then commented, ‘You noticed that, eh?’ ”

RETURN TO SENDER: We don’t want to make any Postal Service folks angry but the new stamp of James Dean doesn’t look much like James Dean to us. The face is too soft. This guy would drink decaf latte.

Postal Service spokesman David Mazer counters that the stamp--which was created from a negative of the antihero--drew nothing but praise Monday during its unveiling at Warner Bros. Studios.

Still, we can’t help thinking that the face belongs to a Dean imitator. Jason Priestley or Luke Perry of TV’s “Beverly Hills, 90210,” perhaps (see photos). Or maybe Brad Pitt. Pitt, you may recall, played a character named J.D. in “Thelma and Louise.”

Any readers out there see a resemblance to other actors? We want to get to the bottom of this. With the price of stamps these days, you want to be sure you know what you’re buying.

LONG BEACH--PRESIDENT MAKER? We have a theory on why Ross Perot chose Long Beach for the Aug. 11 convention of his Reform Party. It’s because Ski Demski, perennial Long Beach mayoral candidate, is backing Perot again.

In 1992, as all you political buffs know, Demski started a Perot for President headquarters in Long Beach. But when Perot withdrew (temporarily) from the race that year, Demski felt so betrayed that he formed the national Anti-Perot headquarters--and campaigned to have the industrialist’s name withdrawn from ballots around the country.

All’s forgiven now, and Demski says Perot is welcome in Long Beach. Demski has even thrown away all his altered Perot-for-President bumper stickers.

Those were the ones that noted the shift of Demski’s allegiance to his parrot, Peppy. The alteration process was easy, Demski said, adding, “All I had to do was take the ‘rot’ out of Perot.”

DON’T READ THIS IN THE SUNLIGHT: Marilyn Barabasch of Arleta read our item about a New York man who offered to bring a vampire to Southern California for scientific study (if you missed it, you’ll just have to take our word for it).

Anyway, Barabasch wrote: “My late husband, Marty, was born in Transylvania. What fun our sons [and grandchildren] had with that news. During World War II, Marty and some sailor buddies were returning from Tijuana.

“The Border Patrol asked him where he was born. ‘Transylvania,’ he said. ‘Oh,’ the border guard said, ‘I have a sister in Pittsburgh.’ ”

Barabasch added: “What a small world.”

miscelLAny

An L.A. Convention & Visitors Bureau press release notes that “there are more artists, writers, filmmakers, actors, dancers and musicians living and working in Los Angeles than any other city at any other time in the history of civilization.” The release does not state how many of them are working as waiters.