Only College They Root for Is Electoral One

Soon as he took office, I tried to interview Bill Clinton.

I was put in touch with a woman named Dawn Alexander at the White House, who assured me that she would pass along my request. My goal was to meet the nation’s No. 1 sports fan before he could do something like pitch horseshoes with Sports Illustrated, the way George Bush did. Well, while I was waiting, there went Clinton, playing golf with Sports Illustrated. I hate Sports Illustrated.

The reason I mention this is, I have no clue what sort of sports fan Bob Dole is. Does he pull for the Kansas Jayhawks? Would he sit with Colin Powell at the Army-Navy game? Could he persuade Jack Kemp not to bet on the Buffalo Bills in a big game? In a big game, could the Buffalo Bills beat either Army or Navy?

If Dole gets elected, I’ll ask.

Ronald Reagan and Gerald Ford have homes in my circulation area, but neither has gotten in touch, even to complain that his paper gets thrown in the bushes. Those two Republicans were such great sportsmen, I thought the least they would do is suggest a play to a coach at the Super Bowl. On second thought, another Republican tried that.

Richard M. Nixon phoned Donald F. Shula at 1:30 a.m. on Jan. 3, 1972, at the coach’s home in Miami Lakes, Fla., two weeks before the Super Bowl VI game between Shula’s Dolphins and the Dallas Cowboys. “Mr. Nixon alerted me that the Cowboys are a real strong team,” Shula said later, “but he told me, ‘I still think you can hit [Paul] Warfield on that down-and-out pattern.’ ”

Lyndon B. Johnson promptly telegramed Dallas Coach Tom Landry: “My prayers and my presence will be with you in New Orleans, although I don’t plan to send in any plays.”

Bill Clinton has been more of a college basketball guy.

He came to the game when the Arkansas Razorbacks won the national championship, and wept when he congratulated Nolan Richardson, the winning coach. Many other Razorback fans were crying that night, although some were hidden by those plastic pig masks.

Clinton also is a jogger and a golfer. He runs more than any Southerner since Forrest Gump, and he occasionally plays 36 holes of golf in a single day, which Gerald Ford also probably would do, except it’s expensive to keep 36 ambulances available for spectators.

Ike played golf. As a boy, Dwight Eisenhower told a friend that he wanted to be a baseball player like Honus Wagner. The friend said he would like to be President of the United States. “Neither of us got our wish.”

JFK, he liked touch football. He reportedly liked touch everything.

LBJ swam laps naked in the White House pool and shot deer on his ranch by sticking a rifle out the window of a Lincoln, according to a story in Vanity Fair.

Nixon played checkers. No, wait. He played with Checkers.

Ford liked to ski.

Jimmy Carter enjoyed softball and fishing. I wish more presidents would fish. It would be nice to see one in cold water.

Reagan rode horseback. I remember watching him ride with Margaret Thatcher, side by side. They were like a royal Roy Rogers and Dale Evans.

Bush was an old Yale first baseman. Yale once beat Harvard, 5-5.

Clinton, of course, is a big sports fan. His most recent public appearance came at the Olympics, where he spoke with gymnast Kerri Strug, presumably telling her that he felt her pain.

Bob Dole?

I don’t know which sports interested him most before he enlisted in the Army. He was raised in Kansas, so I suppose he was into the usual recreational activities there, football and running from the tornado.

Perhaps after the Republican National Convention, I will know more about Dole’s sporting interests. Maybe he will say: “Win another one for the Gipper.” Maybe his campaign slogan will be: “Me and the Kemper will win in November.”

Or, maybe Dole and Clinton will simply bet the whole election on the Kansas-Arkansas game, winner take all.

For as Gerald Ford once was quoted as saying, “I would rather be on the sports page than on the front page.”

My pleasure.