The tortoise and the fair:Barbara Joan Grubman...

The tortoise and the fair:

Barbara Joan Grubman of Woodland Hills hopes the Ventura County Fair will have a bit more consideration for turtles next year. She saw a notice for this year’s event, which informed the reptiles in no uncertain terms: “All turtles and tortoises must arrive at fairgrounds between 8 a.m. and 10 a.m. Saturday, Aug. 24. No entries will be accepted after that time.”

How about a little grace time, fair officials? Why, we bet that some turtles from L.A. County have to leave home in February in order to arrive there by August.

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THE ADVENTURES OF TARZANA: Gary Hertzberg, “formerly of Reseda, now of Redondo Beach,” came up with a big contribution to our projected book: “Great Movie Dialogue About the Valley--And Not So Great Dialogue, Too.”

Hertzberg pointed out that in the 1967 movie “The Graduate,” the parents of Ben (Dustin Hoffman) are having a problem luring him out of his bedroom to attend a party at their Pasadena home. So, Mom tells Ben: “The Carlsons are here. . . . They came all the way from Tarzana.”

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MORE NAME-CALLING: We also added to our growing collection of Southland geographical names that have been bungled. A printer goofed up the business cards for a new Circuit City store in Irvine. And San Fernando Valley resident Jeff Shore received a letter from a French bank that seemed to think something was amiss in his town (see excerpts).

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FOOD FOR THOUGHT: Barnes and Barnes, whose recording of “Fish Heads” ranks as the most requested song of all time on the nationally syndicated Dr. Demento radio show, has released a new CD, “Voobaha,” on Redondo Beach-based Oglio Records.

The CD includes, “Fish Heads,” which was conceived by Robert Haimer (one half of Barnes and Barnes) “after a meal that grossed him out in a Chinese restaurant,” according to co-member Bill Mumy.

Some other unusual titles in “Voobaha”:

* “Cemetery Girls.”

* “Sewey Hole.”

* “Linoleum.”

* “Three Drunk Newts.”

And, our all-time favorite:

“Please Squeeze My Knees, Louise.”

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QUESTIONABLE TASTE DEPT.: Art Vinsel saw this sign at a San Pedro fast food joint offering Disney toys:

“Hunchback Kid Meals.”

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SLANDEROUS COMMENTS: We heard from several readers regarding the mysteriously named Slander Coffee Shop sign that popped up in Whittier earlier this year.

Larry Booth, Iva Boyer and Glenn Barr all testified that it was once the Islander.

When the latter eatery closed, Booth said, “the building sat vacant for a couple of years, with no sign. Then the new owner began remodeling. At last the new sign was installed.”

Boyer said she and her husband actually dined at the Slander. It closed after a few weeks. Bad word of mouth, perhaps.

miscelLAny:

Two classes in the extension catalog for West L.A. College may appeal to real estate agents in this flat market: “Feng Shui” (An ancient Chinese philosophy that can “detect problem areas” in the home or workplace) and “Step Into the Other Side of Living: Ghosts and Haunted Houses” (Don’t let spirits drive down property values in West Ills or anywhere else).