It must be a meatless diet:As with...

It must be a meatless diet:

As with any downtown joint open at all hours, the 72-year-old Original Pantry draws its share of characters. A man walked in the other night and asked a counterman, “You got fish tonight?”

The counterman said, “No, we’re all out.”

“You’re sure you don’t have any fish?” the man persisted. “Yep,” said the counterman. “You want something else?”

The man studied the menu board, sighed and said, “Yeah, I’ll have chocolate cake and a Coke.”

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MYSTERY OF THE WEEK: The STILL GUILTY billboards popping up around town were placed by KFI, the same talk radio station that ran dueling GUILTY and NOT GUILTY billboards a year ago. When we contacted John Kobylt, one-half of KFI’s John and Ken Show, he began by saying, “They have nothing to do with the O.J. trial,” and added that a line will be added to the billboards revealing their true meaning.

The O.J. trial? Gee, we hadn’t even thought of that possibility. We thought the signs were a reference to Zsa Zsa Gabor’s conviction for slapping a cop.

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A GOOD WALK SPOILED: Kevin Buck of Canyon Country shot a photo at a La Quinta resort where golf is not classified as recreation. Of course, if you play as poorly as Mr. Only in L.A., you have to agree with that philosophy.

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GOING OUT ON A LIMB: If you notice KFWB traffic reporter Jeff Baugh standing atop a billboard in Hollywood on Monday, don’t worry. He won’t be planning to jump no matter how great the stress of freeway-watching.

Baugh will be stationed at Highland Avenue and Sunset Boulevard as part of a charitable fund-raiser, as well as a promo for the news station’s digital clock billboards.

The station also promises Baugh will have “a few surprises.” We’d drive to Hollywood if we knew Angelyne was going to be there.

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WHERE THERE’S A CAR THERE’S A WAY: Author Rudy Acuna drew an overflow crowd when he appeared at the Cultura Latina Bookstore in Long Beach recently. So, some speakers were set up outside. Many fans sat in their cars drinking coffee and listened. Co-owner Anita Cano called it a “drive-by lecture.”

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DOES THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER KNOW ABOUT THIS? Leslie Westbrook of Summerland points out that readers might get the wrong idea from one suggestive sentence in a Cosmopolitan magazine article about the friends of stars:

“The rewards of such chummy relationships can be immense--gofers end up as heads of movie production companies, personal trainers and bodyguards become lovers (think Madonna and Roseanne).”

miscelLAny:

First, Bob Dole complimented the performance of the 1996 Brooklyn Dodgers. Now, one of his backers, congressman Tom DeLay (R-Texas), lambasted President Clinton by quoting a joke from Jay Leno--but pronounced the comic’s name as though it rhymed with “beano.” Get in the game, guys!