Time May Be Ripe for the ‘Boss’ to Take His Rips

Can you fire a manager during the World Series?

It would be a low-class move, but when did that stop George Steinbrenner from doing anything?

Yankees manager Joe Torre had better not answer his phone Tuesday.

You think Steinbrenner shelled out $60 million to put up with this?

He isn’t about to watch his Yankees lose the first two games of the World Series by a combined score of 16-1 without finding someone to pay for it.

Poor Torre.

That division title he won in September is ancient history now to the Boss.

And that American League pennant, the Yankees’ first in 15 years?

Just a guess, but the memory probably isn’t warming the cockles of Steinbrenner’s heart right now.

This is the Yankees’ 34th World Series appearance, and only once before have they lost the first two games at Yankee Stadium.

When the Dodgers did it in 1963, they went on to complete a sweep in Los Angeles.

The Braves are well on their way after a 4-0 win Monday night at clinically depressed Yankee Stadium.

The only people sadder that Steinbrenner are the people at Fox TV, who paid a lot of money to broadcast a Series that belongs in a litter pan.

If the Braves win again Tuesday night, Fox might go with regular programming instead of tomorrow’s clincher.

Just kidding.

Maybe.

Rarely, if ever, has a Series team looked more overmatched than the Yankees.

Bernie Williams is just a rumor, not a factor.

Closer John Wetteland is a Maytag repairman, more useless than a swing at a Greg Maddux slider.

Basically, things have gone downhill for the Yanks from the moment Torre announced before Game 1 that he was so excited he was “liable to dribble all over myself.”

Talk about setting the perfect tone.

After the Braves’ big win in Game 1, Steinbrenner said he “wanted to win (Game 2) more than anything.” Now he is in a tough spot. He surely wants to fire someone, but there are few options.

He could fire Torre, but who would manage the team Tuesday night? Seinfeld’s pal, George?

He could fire the entire Yankees lineup for making life easy for Maddux last night, but who would play Tuesday night? Luis Sojo?

He could try to fire Maddux for hitting Derek Jeter on the wrist with a pitch, but Maddux chose the Braves and owner Ted Turner over New York and Steinbrenner when he was a free agent four years ago.

“I thought it would be better for my family to live down South than up North,” Maddux said Monday night.

Maybe Steinbrenner could fire God for putting New York “up North” and Atlanta “down South.” But how do you fire God?

Ah, well. There are always plenty of interns and go-fers and the usual small-people suspects for him to push onto the street if the mood strikes him.

Someone will pay, you can be sure.

After waiting 15 years to watch the Yankees make it back to the Series, the Bronx fans have had almost nothing to cheer about.

Things got so bad Monday night that three fans leapt over the fence and dashed for second base -- and they drew the biggest cheer of the night.

“Any comment on the fact that more fans than Yankees reached second base?” someone asked Maddux.

He shrugged. He shrugs a lot. Just like the Yankees hitters who flailed against him.

If Game 1 was over when the Braves scored eight runs in the first three innings, Game 2 was over when they scored once in the top of the first.

That was all the support Maddux would need.

He allowed six hits, no walks and no runs, and needed only 82 pitches to get through eight innings.

It was a shocking sight for anyone accustomed to watching the Orioles, who often squeezed 82 pitches into three innings this year.

The Yankees’ pinstriped tradition didn’t exactly intimidate Maddux.

“The hardest part of the night was warming up,” he said.

Dodging the batteries and bottles and goodness know what else.

Getting the Yankees out was easy by comparison, particularly when the Yankees kept swinging at balls out of the strike zone early in counts.

The talk after the game was about the Braves’ terrific pitching, and that it is, but bad Yankees hitting is also contributing to this disaster.

If Torre’s head doesn’t roll Tuesday, hitting coach Chris Chambliss’ might.

What better time than now?

“We’re a little frustrated,” Torre said. “We’re scuffling a little bit.”

Off with their heads!

Now the Yankees have to try to save themselves on the road, behind sore-armed David Cone and the always-frightening Kenny Rogers.

Nine times before has a team lost the first two games of the Series at home.

Seven of the nine were swept.

The other two came back to win the Series.

If the Yankees don’t, someone will pay.

As a matter of fact, someone probably will pay Tuesday.

Please, Joe, don’t answer the phone!