Punch Lines

Finally, it’s the day we’ve all been waiting for, the face-off between two powerful characters. Says Bob Thomas, “One is a fast-talking guy with no common sense from the younger generation; the other is an old cowpoke with worn-out ideas and funny clothes. Yes, it’s Buzz and Woody as ‘Toy Story’ hits the video stores.”

California’s computer-card ballots are great, says Jenny Church. “Angry voters can go into the booth and punch out a few politicians.”

Says Alex Pearlstein, “I wonder what will happen with 209. Oops, I forgot: Never end a sentence with a Proposition.”

Buddy Baron says he’s really looking forward to the end of all these campaign ads. “Ross Perot sounds just like my annoying Aunt Irene.”

We’ll get a break from all that negativity and back-stabbing on TV, says Gary Easley--”except on daytime talk shows.”

The American electorate is really sick of presidential politics. Says Argus Hamilton, “Last week two pollsters were strangled while going door to door. They were asking, ‘Who do you like in the year 2000?’ ”

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In the news: The takeover of MCI by British Telecommunications was announced on Sunday. Says Church, “They tried to announce it sooner but all the lines were busy. One change customers will notice right away, the ‘pound’ key is being changed from # to .”

A Wisconsin judge awarded $41,000 to a golfer who tripped outside the clubhouse bar. The guy had had 13 drinks but blamed his fall on the sidewalk. Says Hamilton, “He yelled ‘Fore!’ on the way down but the sidewalk refused to duck.”

In Florida, a robbery suspect being chased by a police dog bit the dog on the neck. Says Joe Kevany, “The traumatized German shepherd has been reassigned to a desk job.”

The top movie at the box office this weekend was “William Shakespeare’s Romeo & Juliet.” Asks Alex Kaseberg, “As opposed to what--’Oliver Stone’s Romeo & Juliet’? “

* He adds, “It’s such a big hit, there’s a rumor in Hollywood that Sly Stallone is going to ask this Shakespeare dude to write his next action movie.”

Director Garry Marshall’s new movie “Dear God” also opened this weekend. Says Premiere Morning Sickness, “Marshall shortened the film’s name from the original title, ‘Dear God, Please Let This Film Do Better Than My Last One.’ ”

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Reader Geri Dicks of Palm Desert was riding in a car with granddaughter Randi, 4, who lives in Illinois. Randi was saying how much she loves her Aunt Karen, who lives in Louisiana. She said she couldn’t make up her mind where to live when she got older--Louisiana or California. Grandma told her she would need to decide soon.

“I’ll make up my mind tomorrow,” she said. “It’s dark now and I can’t see what I’m thinking.”