ONE TACO SHORT OF A COMBINATION PLATE

Teammates call Rocket Ismail weird, and it’s no wonder after some of his antics this season. He has been erratic on the field, and off.

In his first eight games after being traded from the Raiders, Ismail caught one pass for 12 yards. Two weeks ago he caught five for 108 yards, last week he took a 35-yard reverse in for a touchdown. Sunday he slowed down again, catching only one pass for nine yards.

Ismail refuses to talk with the media, but teammate Willie Green offered an example of the strange world Ismail resides in.

When the Panthers played the Saints earlier this season, the Carolina mascot, known as “Sir Purr,” dressed up as the devil and it prompted Ismail to leave pregame warmups and race over to the mascot yelling, “Down with the devil. Down with the devil.”

Apparently Ismail also got sick one day at practice because he smelled “fumes,” fumes that no one else could smell.

AND FOR DESSERT,

WHERE’S BUDDY RYAN?

Arizona defensive tackle Eric Swann, who had 10 solo tackles, a sack and an assist as the surging Cardinals defeated the Giants, a team they had not defeated in two years:

“We talked about everything being on the table. All we have to do is conquer. All the finest wine and the finest meat is on the table. Take it all and leave no crumbs.”

Coincidentally, those are the same words William “Refrigerator” Perry used before all-you-can-eat shrimp night at the local Sizzler.

IT’S HARD WORK LOSING

GAMES WE SHOULD WIN

After San Diego’s 25-17 loss to Tampa Bay, Charger Coach Bobby Ross reacted angrily when asked about reports that he would be a candidate for the Notre Dame job if Lou Holtz steps down. “I’m not going to comment on any job,” Ross said. “I’ve got a tough enough job to do here.”

WELCOME TO ST. ELIGIUS,

DR. FISCUS WILL SEE YOU

The Panthers’ Michael Bates, who leads the NFL with a 31.9-yard kickoff return average, suffered a right knee injury early in the first quarter against St. Louis while playing as a cover man on the punt team. Bates did not return and is scheduled for an MRI today. Carolina also lost its other kick returner, Winslow Oliver, because of a right ankle sprain. . . . The Jets had two big injuries on their offensive line. David Williams left the game against Indianapolis in the first quarter because of back spasms. A calf problem limited Jumbo Elliott to only goal-line situations. . . . Derwin Gray, who made his first start of the season at safety for Indianapolis, sat out most of the game because of a sprained right ankle. . . . The Eagles had two significant injuries against Washington. Running back Charlie Garner sustained a bruised left ankle after gaining 41 yards in three straight carries. He did not return. Middle linebacker James Willis also left the game because of an injured right knee. . . . Baltimore quarterback Vinny Testaverde left the game against San Francisco after sustaining a rib injury in the second quarter. Also injured in the game for the Ravens: wide receiver Jermaine Lewis (concussion) and cornerback DeRon Jenkins (right hamstring strain). For San Francisco, defensive tackle Dana Stubblefield (left shoulder), wide receiver Terrell Owens (separated left shoulder), safety Tim McDonald (left hip pointer), defensive end Roy Barker (left knee sprain), safety Merton Hanks (right elbow bruise) and running back Derek Loville (left big toe sprain) were injured. . . . Giant outside linebacker Cory Miller bruised his thigh in the first quarter against Arizona returned and then sprained an ankle. He was carted off the field in the second quarter and did not return.

FAN NO. 12,000,001 GOT

SUPER BOWL TICKETS

Buffalo honored James Webb of Rochester as the 12 millionth fan to attend a game at Rich Stadium, which opened in 1973. Webb received a team jacket, autographed football and two tickets to the Bills’ last home game of the season against the Kansas City Chiefs.

If the Bills were smart, they would have used this opportunity to unload all those surplus “1993, 1992, 1991 and 1990 Super Bowl Champions” caps and T-shirts that are sitting around in the catacombs.