Brooks’ Rams Have Been Too Naughty

Week 16 and the questions:

1. ‘Twas the night before Christmas and, well, should Ram Coach Rich Brooks be hanging his stocking in St. Louis or packing for a long winter’s nap elsewhere?

2. Is Carolina General Manager Bill Polian, who also assembled the Buffalo Bills’ successful teams in recent years, a genius?

3. Name the five teams that have won four of their last fives games. Hint--you’ll never get the last one.

4. Besides being NFL nobodies, what do quarterbacks Brad Johnson, Paul Justin, Kerwin Bell, Jamie Martin and Doug Nussmeier have in common?

5. About that prediction last week?

And the answers:

1. Santa Claus is coming to town, and by then, Brooks will be gone.

Since their 5-1 honeymoon start in St. Louis a year ago, the Rams have compiled a 6-18 record, and in those 18 losses the average score has been: Opponent 33, Rams 14.

“It would be grossly unfair if I didn’t have another year to work with this team,” Brooks said. “I’m sure there are people that adamantly disagree with that.”

Yeah, like John Shaw, team president, and Georgia Frontiere, team owner.

2. No. If Polian is so smart, why did he say the things he said at last year’s NFL owners’ meetings when everyone else was suggesting that generous NFL rules might allow the expansion Panthers to make the playoffs right away?

“It’s absolutely impossible,” the so-called genius said at the time. “To even mention that word [playoffs] is to be smoking something. It’s not there. It’s not in the cards. We’re not that deep of a football team.”

The Panthers have not only clinched a playoff berth, they remain in the running to get the home-field advantage throughout the playoffs. And so far this season, they have yet to lose at home.

So what sayeth now, Mr. Genius? “I was wrong.”

3. Division leaders New England, Dallas and Denver have won four of their last five, and Jacksonville, which remains in the running for a playoff berth.

The last team: Tampa Bay.

“I’d say we’re in the top 10 teams,” said Chidi Ahanotu, the Buccaneers’ giddy defensive end.

And added linebacker Hardy Nickerson: “I don’t want to make any prediction, but I think this time next year, we’ll be wondering who we’re going to play in the playoffs.”

4. They all played last week--amazing in itself--and they all played previously in the World League. More amazing yet, they combined last week to throw six touchdown passes with one interception: a quarterback rating of 100.7.

5. Because of an editing error--yeah, an editing error, that’s what it was--it was suggested in this space a week ago that San Francisco would waltz past Carolina. Obviously, a mistake. The two franchise names were undoubtedly transposed as faithful readers here already guessed and should have read, “Carolina will waltz past San Francisco.”

This week--if the editors don’t goof it up again--Detroit waltzes past Green Bay.

THE TV GAMES

* THAT’S ENTERTAINMENT

New England (10-4) at Dallas (9-5), 10 a.m., Channel 4: Outstanding possibilities. The Patriots can win the AFC East title, the Cowboys can win the NFC East championship with some additional help, and the loser runs into problems at the wrong time. The Patriots are averaging a league-high 28 points, and the Cowboys rank No. 1 on defense. Bill Parcells versus Barry Switzer. Troy Aikman versus Drew Bledsoe. Do the Patriots put themselves in position to be the AFC’s pick in the Super Bowl? Do the Cowboys finish strongly and win a fourth Super Bowl in five years?

--Say what: New England has scored 27 or more points in each of its 10 victories this season. Dallas has given up 27 or more points only twice.

--Players to watch: The Patriot defense ranks No. 29 against the pass, which should whet the appetites of Aikman and wide receiver Michael Irvin.

--Finally: The Patriots played the Broncos earlier this season after losing eight in a row to Denver, and then they lost again. New England has lost six in a row to the Cowboys.

* THAT’S ENTERTAINMENT II

San Francisco (10-4) at Pittsburgh (10-4), 10 a.m., Channel 11: If the Raiders and the Rams were still here, Los Angeles might have missed this Sunday-morning treat along with the Dallas-New England game. A 49er loss would be devastating, and a Steeler defeat probably knocks them out of hosting a first-round playoff game.

--Say what: This is San Francisco’s latest date for a regular-season outdoor game in a cold-weather city since going to Kansas City on Dec. 26, 1982.

--Player to watch: Despite his injuries, 49er quarterback Steve Young has completed 67% of his passes, No. 1 in the NFL.

--Finally: The 49er defense ranks No. 5, the Steelers’ No. 3, but the edge goes to San Francisco if Pittsburgh running back Jerome Bettis is unable to play because of an ankle injury.

* LAST GASP

Oakland (7-7) at Denver (12-2), 1 p.m., Channel 4: If the Raiders gag at Mile High Stadium, there go the playoffs. The Broncos will start John Elway, but will their heart be in it now that they have clinched everything they need to get to the Super Bowl with only two home playoff victories?

--Say what: Denver Coach Mike Shanahan has a 3-0 record against the Raiders, who fired him.

--Player to watch: Elway sat out last week’s game against the Green Bay Packers because of a sore hamstring, and if the Raiders want to get to the playoffs, they need to send him to the bench again.

--Finally: The Bronco offense ranks No. 1, and the Raider defense ranks No. 11.

* NOT EXACTLY 60 MINUTES

Seattle (6-8) at Jacksonville (7-7), 5 p.m., ESPN: The Jaguars are excited because they are still in the playoff hunt. The Seahawks reportedly will show up.

--Say what: The Jaguar offense ranks No. 1 in passing.

--Player to watch: Seattle running back Chris Warren has 24 100-yard games, breaking Curt Warner’s club record.

--Finally: Some audition--quarterback Rick Mirer is going to be traded at season’s end, but last week he completed nine of 23 passes for 147 yards.

PROJECTED ROMPS

Baltimore (4-10) at Carolina (10-4): A 49er loss and a Carolina victory and the Panthers win the NFC West.

--Say what: Since opening 0-5 in their first year, the Panthers have gone 17-8.

--Player to watch: Carolina quarterback Kerry Collins developed into a superstar overnight against the 49ers and now gets matched against the NFL’s worst-ranked pass defense.

--Finally: The Panthers are 6-0 at home, and the Ravens have lost 11 games in a row on the road.

Green Bay (11-3) at Detroit (5-9): This will probably be Detroit Coach Wayne Fontes’ final game in the Silverdome. His team quit weeks ago, so there’s no reason to think it is going to give him a happy send-off.

--Say what: The Packer defense ranks No. 2, and the Lion offense has gone nowhere in recent weeks with chubby Scott Mitchell at quarterback.

--Player to watch: Green Bay wide receiver Antonio Freeman has 19 catches in the last two weeks while wearing a cast on his left arm.

--Finally: The Lions have lost five of their last seven games against the Packers, including two playoff defeats. Detroit will have no playoff concerns this year.

DULLSVILLE

Indianapolis (8-6) at Kansas City (9-5): You would think this would be an interesting game, but are there two duller teams in the league?

--Say what: Jim Harbaugh returns at quarterback for the Colts, but does it matter? Indianapolis plays its best when lacking its best players.

--Player to watch: Marshall Faulk has been a huge disappointment for the Colts, but he gained 101 yards last week against the Eagles.

--Finally: The Chiefs need one more victory to earn a playoff berth for the seventh consecutive year, but the Colts knocked the Chiefs out of the playoffs last year.

Cincinnati (6-8) at Houston (7-7): The Oilers had the easy schedule to walk into the playoffs and tripped, and now have called on Chris Chandler to save the day at quarterback. Superman, he is not.

--Say what: The Oilers, who will be moving to Nashville in two years, have the second-worst home record in the NFL at 2-5.

--Player to watch: Houston running back Eddie George needs 93 yards to become the fifth Heisman Trophy winner to rush for 1,300 yards in his first NFL season.

--Finally: Cincinnati quarterback Jeff Blake and wide receiver Carl Pickens have combined for 36 touchdowns in the last three seasons--tops in the NFL in that time.

St. Louis (4-10) at Atlanta (3-11): All that is at stake here is next year’s draft order for the new coaches who will be directing these teams.

--Say what: Gripping drama--Ram wide receiver Isaac Bruce needs one catch to break Andre Rison’s NFL record of 215 catches in his first three seasons.

--Player to watch: Ram running back Lawrence Phillips gained eight yards in five carries last week, demonstrating improvement in recent weeks.

--Finally: The Rams ripped the Falcons, 59-16, earlier this season and will probably lose this game.

New Orleans (2-12) at New York Giants (6-8): The Saints cannot afford a slip; they must keep losing to stay in position to draft Tennessee quarterback Peyton Manning.

--Say what: Giant quarterback Dave Brown is 6-3 as a starter in December.

--Player to watch: New York running back Rodney Hampton scored his first rushing touchdown of the season--in game No. 13.

--Finally: The Saints have the worst running attack in the league, and the Giants have the worst passing attack. The tension builds.

Washington (8-6) at Arizona (6-8): The Redskins were 7-1 at one time; they need a win now to stay alive and take on the Cowboys for the NFC East Division title next week. The Cardinals continue to embarrass themselves nationally--this week with the benching of Boomer Esiason.

--Say what: The Cardinals have won six of the last seven against the Redskins.

--Player to watch: Kent Graham replaces Esiason at quarterback.

--Finally: The Cardinals have clinched their 12th consecutive non-winning season.

Tampa Bay (5-9) at Minnesota (8-6): If the Vikings don’t make the playoffs, it will be because they couldn’t beat the Buccaneers. That should be reason to fold the franchise.

--Say what: The Buccaneers have one division victory this year, a 24-13 decision over the Vikings.

--Player to watch: Warren who? Minnesota quarterback Brad Johnson has completed 38 of his last 55 passes for 433 yards with seven touchdowns and no interceptions.

--Finally: Tampa Bay has given up an average of 14.1 points in its last nine games after yielding 25.2 points per game over its first five.