Punch Lines

The Big and Small Screens: A new movie will be based on the old series “The Green Hornet.” Says Jenny Church, “It’s about the Green Hornet and his house guest Kato.”

“The television sweeps period has begun. That is that special time when legitimate news shows do stories that would make Jenny Jones blush.” (The Cutler Daily Scoop)

A sequel to “Rosemary’s Baby” is in the works. “Mia Farrow has been offered a role,” says Premiere Morning Sickness, “but she insists that the devil be portrayed as a glasses-wearing, cradle-robbing, neurotic New York filmmaker.”

Newt Gingrich may give a televised speech to explain his side of his ethics violations. “Just what part of ‘I admit it’ didn’t we understand?” (Daily Scoop)

People magazine reports that one of the main characters on “Melrose Place” will die of a brain tumor. “What is it gonna grow on?” asks Jay Leno.

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Ecology Watch: The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service has nominated the 5-inch bog turtle to the endangered species list. “The shelled amphibian can be found in swamps from Massachusetts to Georgia and on the seafood sampler at the Red Lobster,” says Bob Mills.

* “Approval is expected to move very slowly, but steadily, through Congress.” (Jerry Perisho)

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Law Enforcement: The FBI issues a warning that its lab results could be flawed. Says Mills, “The problem first came to light when a federal prosecutor in Tallahassee received test results from a blood sample he’d submitted that said, ‘Your dog has diabetes.’ ”

* “FBI ballistics experts conducted tests by firing bullets into mattresses agents had collected from beside the freeways.” (Mills)

The Treasury Department reports a 57% drop in gun dealers since the Brady Bill was passed. “However, the remaining shops have added staff during their peak after-school hours.” (Alan Ray)

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Business Wire: The Las Vegas Stratosphere Hotel has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. “Everyone knew this was coming,” says Argus Hamilton. “Last night a $100,000 baccarat winner was paid off in Confederate war bonds.”

Little, Brown & Co., impressed by Paula Barbieri’s “honesty and sincerity,” will publish her memoirs. “Plus, the company said, it won’t hurt to make buckets of cash exploiting the former girlfriend of a famous accused murderer.” (Alex Kaseberg)

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Reader Vern Fagin writes that a friend, Kathryn, 11, was old enough to see a stage production of “Romeo and Juliet.” Her mom prepared her by explaining the plot. At the end, Kathryn was crying.

“I was hoping it would come out different this time,” she said.