Happy Couples, in Their Own Words

Thirty couples, each together at least 30 years, discuss their relationships--the good times and the bad--in an exploration of lasting love in “Living Happily Ever After” (Chronicle Books).

Written by Laurie Wagner, Stephanie Rausser and David Collier, the book was inspired by the film “For Better or For Worse,” produced by Collier in 1993 and nominated for an Academy Award for best feature documentary.

The book is a collection of dialogues among diverse couples.

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Howard and Cecil Waite, married 63 years:

“It was close to our fourth date and Cecil and I were driving in the hills above Hollywood. I think I felt obliged, that the sort of thing you were supposed to do on dates was to drive around the hills and put your arm around someone. The overwhelming need in my case that night was to sleep, so to keep from going to sleep at the wheel I’d bite my tongue and slap my face. I thought it would be very embarrassing to drive off the road.”

“I had put my head in his lap as we drove along,” Cecil continues brightly. “When I looked up at him he was shaking his head and slapping his face, and I thought, ‘Why is he doing that?’ He did it again and again and I thought, ‘That’s funny, maybe it’s some kind of nervous twitch because he hasn’t had any sex.’ Then I started to feel guilty because we hadn’t had any sex, even though I didn’t believe in that; but then I thought, ‘Well, hmmm?’ So I decided that I’d better do something about it. I was projecting that he needed sex, when in fact he was just tired. Nine months later we had our beautiful Nancy.”

Identical twins Bob and Al Murray and their wives, also twins, Vera and Verna, married in a double ceremony 57 years ago and have lived in the same house since:

”. . . So Bob and me, we talked about it and we thought, ‘Well, they’s city and we’s country.’ We didn’t know if they’d want to go out with country kids, but we thought we’d call the girls and see about a date. So we flipped to see who called; we always flipped on everything. I was supposed to call. We didn’t know ‘em apart and we said, ‘Whoever I call, that’s the one I deal with.’ And Verna answered and it just went that way.”

“I guess I liked him, too,” says Verna. “At the time we thought that it would just take too much trouble to try and figure out which one to go with.”

“Well, I never thought anything about it,” says Bob. “I got Vera and that was that.”

“And I never thought about trading Bob,” Vera says. “It worked out pretty well. There were two of them and two of us, and it just made it handy.”

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Ava and Lee Spanier, married 45 years:

”. . . One thing that has changed dramatically is our sexuality over the last few years. I don’t like it: I feel less of a man. . . . We haven’t talked about it much.”

“Wait a minute,” says Ada. “I thought we did. Wasn’t it you I talked to? Well, I feel it’s a change, but I still feel we have great intimacy. It’s not the same as it was, but I don’t think sex performance is as important to me as it is to Lee. I think men have a different view of it. I think he’s as much of a man and a lover as before.”

“Oh, Ada,” he says, “that can’t be.”