Take my appendix, please:As every UCLA grad...


Take my appendix, please:

As every UCLA grad can tell you, Bozo is a USC alumnus. But Larry Harmon, who created the clown in the 1940s, almost became a physician instead, the Daily Trojan reports.

During a recent visit to USC, he spoke of how, as an underclassman, he was torn between his two loves, medicine and Bozoism. Harmon said: “I had to make up my mind. . . . Can you go through life happy just being a doctor?”

Actually, you can’t--particularly in the era of managed care.

MUCH ADO . . . : “On the first day, there was nothing, so God created light,” said the newsletter of the L.A. Church of Religious Science. “On the second day there was still nothing, but you could see there was nothing.”


ON THE UP AND UP? Phil and Melinda Proctor saw this sign on a Wilshire high-rise: “We are modernizing our elevators to improve our building’s vertical transportation.”

The Proctors want to know when the work on the horizontal transportation gets underway.

THANKS FOR THE WARNING: A real-estate flier for a Pasadena house seems to indicate that no one is doing the dishes.

HAPPY ELECTION DAY: The New York Times had the effrontery to declare that one reason the Riordan-vs.-Hayden race has been a “low-key” affair is that L.A. has “no tradition of colorful mayors like La Guardia, Curley, Daley or Koch.”

Actually, L.A. has been blessed (or plagued) with scads of colorful mayors. You want color, we got:

* Stephen Foster, who resigned from the mayor’s office in 1855 when the state Supreme Court granted a stay of execution for convicted murderer Dave Brown. Foster led a vigilante mob that hanged Brown from the crossbeam of a corral gate near the present entrance to City Hall.

* Arthur Harper, who stepped down in 1909 amid charges that he was stepping out to downtown brothels in addition to taking payoffs from gambling casinos.


* Charles Sebastian, who resigned in 1916 after the publication of letters revealing an adulterous love affair. Previously, good-time Charlie had been found not guilty on a morals charge while holding another city office--police chief.

* Frank Shaw, who was recalled from office in 1938 after his administration was linked to corrupt activities (including the attempted murder of a private detective--a definite Bozo no-no).

ANTI-ANGELES: While vacationing to the south, we noticed that the current issue of San Diego Magazine carries a readers poll that includes the category: “What you hate most about L.A.”

Despite that jab, we enjoyed visiting San Diego, even if it doesn’t strike us as the most exciting of cities. You may recall the photo we published of a hotel marquee there at the time of the Super Bowl. “Semi-Live Entertainment,” the sign bragged.

This time around, the kinkiest thing we could find was a post office marquee that declared: “Self-Adhesive Love Stamps.”


Remember J.J., the baby California gray whale that was found stranded on Venice Beach earlier this year? J.J.’s new home is Sea World and he’s growing stronger by the day. A handler at the park said the whale was gaining a pound an hour--the same rate, by coincidence, that your Only in L.A. columnist was fattening up during his vacation.