Punch Lines

Americana: A jury has been seated for the trial of Timothy McVeigh in the Oklahoma City bombing. “The jury will be kept anonymous,” says the Cutler Daily Scoop. “That is fitting since Anonymous has already written a successful book.”

* “Now that they are seated, along with their publishers, the jurors must also select their lawyers and public relations experts.” (Bob Thomas)

The word in Washington is that House Speaker Newt Gingrich has been getting the cold shoulder from Bob Dole ever since the loan deal was announced. “See, Bob really is like a bank.” (Daily Scoop)

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International Scene: A dramatic lightning assault by Peruvian troops rescued the hostages in Lima. “You mean you can rescue hostages without giving the bad guys missiles? Who’d have thought it?” (Daily Scoop)

* “No bystanders were hurt,” says Alex Kaseberg, “except for the three television producers who stormed the scene to secure the film rights.”

* Says Bill Maher, “They say it was an expertly planned, perfectly executed exercise--or as Janet Reno says, ‘Plan B.’ ”

An Australian scientist has developed a tranquilizer for turtles. “For his next project, he will make something equally useful--an amphetamine for chimps.” (Kaseberg)

“Iran held a ‘Death to America’ rally,” says the Daily Scoop. “I guess we know where they stand on the ‘70s music revival.”

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The Small Screen: Kathie Lee Gifford renewed her contract to host “Regis and Kathie Lee.” “However, from now on, she gets Fridays off,” says Argus Hamilton. “Working five hours a week for $10 million a year. It was like a sweatshop.”

NBC’s long-running sitcom “Wings” will go off the air May 21. “In a touching finale, Joe, Brian and the crew have to close down the airport after losing their business travelers to Air Force One.” (Brian J. Hill)

Johnnie Cochran will host a talk show on Court TV that runs opposite Geraldo Rivera’s CNBC show. “Rivera’s show is called ‘Rivera Live.’ Cochran’s will be called ‘Anaconda.’ ” (Jerry Perisho)

The Recovery Network, the first cable channel devoted entirely to substance abuse recovery and prevention, debuted Wednesday, says Alex Pearlstein. “One question: What if you’re addicted to TV?”

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Modern Travel: Southwest Airlines has been rated No. 1 in quality. “There’s a reason,” says Alan Ray. “They don’t serve in-flight meals.”

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Reader Heidi Frey Greenwald of Marina del Rey recently visited a mall pet store with her 4-year-old son, Noah, who was dismayed at not being allowed to touch the animals.

“Then why do they call it a PET store?” Noah demanded.