Holy Cow! Kiner Wit Cuts Like a Dull Knife

Jason Stark of the Philadelphia Inquirer, always in search of new Kinerisms, the off-the-wall comments of New York Met broadcaster Ralph Kiner, has the following to offer:

“After a close pitch in a Mets-Cubs game was called strike three, Ralph’s broadcast partner, Rusty Staub, observed that that kind of pitch ‘makes you want to commit hari-kari.’

“To which Ralph, the quick thinker replied: ‘And he’s right next door.’ ”

Add Kiner: “Ralph the Mario Lemieux fan made his only foray into hockey news by announcing that ‘the dynasty of the Pittsburgh Penguins has been undynastied.’ ”

Trivia time: Who holds the NBA playoff record for points in the first half?

Maxfli is a stand-in: Disney is being sued by the maker of Ping golf clubs, because one of the characters in Disney’s upcoming movie is named Ping.

Said Joe Posanski of the Kansas City Star: “The Disney people say the suit is preposterous and immediately renamed the character ‘Titleist.’ ”

Revelation: Detroit winger Brendan Shanahan on teammate Vladimir Kostantinov: “When I was in St. Louis, I thought he was a borderline dirty player. Now I know he’s a borderline dirty player.”

Waah! Dennis Rodman celebrated his 36th birthday Tuesday. Said Jay Leno: “Isn’t that amazing? It seems like just yesterday he was in his first training bra.”

In-state insult: Ray Parillo of the Philadelphia Inquirer commenting on the Pittsburgh Penguins:

“Pittsburgh, the [Philadelphia] Flyers’ first-round opponent, had no defense or any interest in competing. The Penguins didn’t even have someone worth hating.”

Luxury tank: Atlanta Brave pitcher Denny Neagle is impressed with the new home clubhouse at Turner Field in Atlanta:

“All the stuff is great,” he said. “There’s even a huge Jacuzzi. You can swim in it. When the jets start up, it’s like you’re swimming against the current.”

Major project: Bill Lyon of the Philadelphia Inquirer on the hiring of Larry Brown to coach the Philadelphia 76ers: “He has always done his best work with the certifiably hopeless. So he is in the right place now.”

Looking back: On this day in 1979, major league umpires returned to work after a six-week strike that forced baseball to play its games with amateur and minor league arbiters.

Trivia answer: Sleepy Floyd of Golden State, with 39 points against the Lakers on May 10, 1987.

And finally: In a classic understatement, Richard Sporn, a golfer at Ridgewood Country Club in White Plains, N.Y., told Golf World: “We heard there was a hazard.”

His round was interrupted when a 3-year-old black bear was cornered by police officers on the course.

After being subdued with a dart from a tranquilizer gun, the bear was returned to the wild.